Stupid Intersnail.

I have a name for dial-up internet.
We have the InterSnail.
Also
NOTHING WORKS.
Here's a list.

1. InterSnail
2. My computer
3. Common Sense
4. the Wi-Fi at Starbucks
5. The UNIVERSE!!!!

How to make something electronic work:

1. Argue with it.
2. Yell at it.
3. Push the power button until it submits.
4. Turn into a dinosaur, stomp it into bits and evolve into a bird who doesn't care.
5. Change the batteries.
6. Pay 200$+ for somebody else to fix it.
7. Get a new one.
8. Beg it to work.
9. Shake the screen until something happens.
10. Give up and come back later.
11. Read the user manual.

Chances of this working:

1. Nothing will happen.
2. Nothing will happen.
3. It'll fix it.
4. Great! You broke it.
5. You'll do something wrong and it'll break it.
6. Great! You broke it.
7. You'll go broke.
8. It'll fix it.
9. Great! You broke it.
10. It'll fix it.
11. You'll die crazy and bored because it took so long and you still don't know how to fix the thing.