Yep, this is the end! The Wizard of Paws is going through a tedious manual editing process, in which I'm copy/pasting all of the story into OpenOffice, so I can look for plot-holes and character flaws, and fix them! So far, I have found an obvious failure in the chapter numbering system: There are two chapter eights, so starting from "The Forest", consider all chapters to be a number greater than they are (chapter 9=10, chapter 11= chapter 12). I also forgot that Checkers was obsessed with games, that the Emerald City was supposed to be called "The Emerald-Rock-Candy City", that Dorothy was supposed to write a song about Checkers, and that Loco turns around three times before acting like another person.
My, my, aren't I sort of bad at this.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Does anyone care?
I seem to be getting 0 feedback about The Wizard of Paws as of late. Hello? Anyone there?
Also, expect a few months between the end of TWP and the beginning of the next parody, if I ever do one.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapters 21-22
The End (of the castle) Part III
"Dorothy? Dorothy, wake up!"
Dorothy awoke to find that she was being licked on the face by--
"TOTO!" Dorothy cried, scooping up the long-lost puppy in her arms. "This time it really is you!" "Yes! 'Tis!" Toto gasped, squirming free from Dorothy's death grip. "Where'd you come from?" "I dunno. Guess what? I can talk and I'm the right-paw-man to the Great Paws! Isn't this amazing?" "Yes! Yes! Wait. Where's the huge crow-witch-thing? I tried killing her with water, but..." "Oh, she's right there," Toto said, pointing to a huge cage Dorothy hadn't seen hanging from the ceiling. The raven was locked inside, spewing a long stream of curses. "How'd you do that?" Dorothy asked. "Simple. Some crazy Scottish Terrier came from the ceiling, with a tribe of Chihuahua Indians following him. It was amazing!" "Good to hear Loco lived," Dorothy muttered. "Oh? That's his name?" Toto asked. "Yep. Where'd they go?" "If you speak of Loco and his band of merry men, they turned into ninjas and ran away under cover of smoke bombs. If you speak of those other three Scottish Terriers who were fighting in that room back there, then the silver one detonated the whole place." "Oh, s-- they're dead?!" Dorothy leaped to her feet, stumbling backwards. "No, no, you see--" "Come on, Toto!" Dorothy snapped her fingers and ran into the other room.
Indeed, something had detonated. There were bits of plaster and stones. The chandelier had crashed onto the ground, leaving bits of glass everywhere. "Destiny? Checkers? Werren?" Dorothy called out. "Here," said a tiny voice. Dorothy whirled around and saw that Werren was climbing out of a Werren-shaped hole in the wall. That had to hurt. Checkers ran into the room. "I ran off when Destiny started summoning fireballs. What happened? And where's Destiny?" "DESTINY!" Shouted Toto. "Marco! Marco! Marco!" Cried Checkers, frantic. Werren heard a barely audible whimper. "It came from the rubble!" He shouted, pointing to a pile of rocks. The group ran to where Destiny lay. She had been struck by a rock, but thankfully was laying beside the rubble, not in it. "Hey, Dorothy," Destiny said, coughing. "Looks like I do have a superpower. A pyroknenetic Scottish Terrier. Funny, huh?" "Are you okay?" Said Werren. Destiny coughed again. "I dunno," she said after a pause. "I might be crippled. Doubt I'm gonna die, though. Hey, who's the extra dog?" "This is Toto, who ran off at the beginning of this quest-thing and only recently came back," explained Dorothy, patting Toto on the head. "Let's get you to a vet," Checkers said. "I'll get the League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs." And he ran off to get the group. Together, they managed to carry Destiny out of the castle. The Tiddlywinks, seeing that people were leaving of their own free will, followed the group out of the castle. "Hey! I have an idea!" Piped up Ralphie. "Let's burn down the castle!" "How? There still might be Tiddlywinks inside!" Said one of the Tiddlywinks. Werren, in an afterthought, ran into the castle again and began barking. "Nope! Nobody!" He confirmed. "Then let's burn the place to the ground!" Cheered the Tiddlywinks. With multitudes of sticks, tar, and the assistance of Dorothy's opposable thumbs, soon the castle was ablaze!
And nobody noticed a little cat with stars in its fur run into the woods...
A week later, Destiny was lying in the veterinarian's office in The Emerald City, while Dorothy was arranging for Destiny's doghouse to be returned. Apparently, it was taken to be used for firewood, because Destiny had been gone for such a long time, and this was the policy in the Emerald City, albeit a very crummy one. Werren and Toto were playing checkers, using Checkers as the board and Velcro checker pieces to play. Checkers was flopped in front of the veterinarian's office, rather bored. All of the Tiddlywinks had returned to their hometowns or had moved into The Emerald City, so the bustling city was now even more noisy. Toto, in his sparetime, had begun selling earplugs. The League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs held meetings in a room built for this purpose; the League now totaled 40 main members, with 1,000 supporters and at least 90 minor members. Things were running smoothly, now that The Witch was destroyed.
Chapter 22
A Quest, Again
"Hey, everyone!" Shouted Emmet. "The Witch isn't dead! She was last seen wandering around at the train station. Will anybody volunteer to go and destroy her once-and-for-all?" The crowd was very puzzled. "That's suicidal!" "Where did you hear this?" "We have a train station?" "What's a train?" "Where's Paws when you need him?" "Okay...In cases like this one, we always take the last poor saps--ack! Brave heroes, I mean to say--who last quested and make them do it," said Emmet, scratching his ears nervously. "But since Destiny is unable to go, we shall have Toto go in her place. Sorry, Destiny!"
And so, Dorothy, Checkers, Toto, and Werren all ventured out to the Furry Fast ("horrible pun, there," remarked Werren) Train Station to find the Witch. And they hadn't even spoken to Paws yet, either.
"Dorothy? Dorothy, wake up!"
Dorothy awoke to find that she was being licked on the face by--
"TOTO!" Dorothy cried, scooping up the long-lost puppy in her arms. "This time it really is you!" "Yes! 'Tis!" Toto gasped, squirming free from Dorothy's death grip. "Where'd you come from?" "I dunno. Guess what? I can talk and I'm the right-paw-man to the Great Paws! Isn't this amazing?" "Yes! Yes! Wait. Where's the huge crow-witch-thing? I tried killing her with water, but..." "Oh, she's right there," Toto said, pointing to a huge cage Dorothy hadn't seen hanging from the ceiling. The raven was locked inside, spewing a long stream of curses. "How'd you do that?" Dorothy asked. "Simple. Some crazy Scottish Terrier came from the ceiling, with a tribe of Chihuahua Indians following him. It was amazing!" "Good to hear Loco lived," Dorothy muttered. "Oh? That's his name?" Toto asked. "Yep. Where'd they go?" "If you speak of Loco and his band of merry men, they turned into ninjas and ran away under cover of smoke bombs. If you speak of those other three Scottish Terriers who were fighting in that room back there, then the silver one detonated the whole place." "Oh, s-- they're dead?!" Dorothy leaped to her feet, stumbling backwards. "No, no, you see--" "Come on, Toto!" Dorothy snapped her fingers and ran into the other room.
Indeed, something had detonated. There were bits of plaster and stones. The chandelier had crashed onto the ground, leaving bits of glass everywhere. "Destiny? Checkers? Werren?" Dorothy called out. "Here," said a tiny voice. Dorothy whirled around and saw that Werren was climbing out of a Werren-shaped hole in the wall. That had to hurt. Checkers ran into the room. "I ran off when Destiny started summoning fireballs. What happened? And where's Destiny?" "DESTINY!" Shouted Toto. "Marco! Marco! Marco!" Cried Checkers, frantic. Werren heard a barely audible whimper. "It came from the rubble!" He shouted, pointing to a pile of rocks. The group ran to where Destiny lay. She had been struck by a rock, but thankfully was laying beside the rubble, not in it. "Hey, Dorothy," Destiny said, coughing. "Looks like I do have a superpower. A pyroknenetic Scottish Terrier. Funny, huh?" "Are you okay?" Said Werren. Destiny coughed again. "I dunno," she said after a pause. "I might be crippled. Doubt I'm gonna die, though. Hey, who's the extra dog?" "This is Toto, who ran off at the beginning of this quest-thing and only recently came back," explained Dorothy, patting Toto on the head. "Let's get you to a vet," Checkers said. "I'll get the League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs." And he ran off to get the group. Together, they managed to carry Destiny out of the castle. The Tiddlywinks, seeing that people were leaving of their own free will, followed the group out of the castle. "Hey! I have an idea!" Piped up Ralphie. "Let's burn down the castle!" "How? There still might be Tiddlywinks inside!" Said one of the Tiddlywinks. Werren, in an afterthought, ran into the castle again and began barking. "Nope! Nobody!" He confirmed. "Then let's burn the place to the ground!" Cheered the Tiddlywinks. With multitudes of sticks, tar, and the assistance of Dorothy's opposable thumbs, soon the castle was ablaze!
And nobody noticed a little cat with stars in its fur run into the woods...
A week later, Destiny was lying in the veterinarian's office in The Emerald City, while Dorothy was arranging for Destiny's doghouse to be returned. Apparently, it was taken to be used for firewood, because Destiny had been gone for such a long time, and this was the policy in the Emerald City, albeit a very crummy one. Werren and Toto were playing checkers, using Checkers as the board and Velcro checker pieces to play. Checkers was flopped in front of the veterinarian's office, rather bored. All of the Tiddlywinks had returned to their hometowns or had moved into The Emerald City, so the bustling city was now even more noisy. Toto, in his sparetime, had begun selling earplugs. The League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs held meetings in a room built for this purpose; the League now totaled 40 main members, with 1,000 supporters and at least 90 minor members. Things were running smoothly, now that The Witch was destroyed.
Chapter 22
A Quest, Again
"Hey, everyone!" Shouted Emmet. "The Witch isn't dead! She was last seen wandering around at the train station. Will anybody volunteer to go and destroy her once-and-for-all?" The crowd was very puzzled. "That's suicidal!" "Where did you hear this?" "We have a train station?" "What's a train?" "Where's Paws when you need him?" "Okay...In cases like this one, we always take the last poor saps--ack! Brave heroes, I mean to say--who last quested and make them do it," said Emmet, scratching his ears nervously. "But since Destiny is unable to go, we shall have Toto go in her place. Sorry, Destiny!"
And so, Dorothy, Checkers, Toto, and Werren all ventured out to the Furry Fast ("horrible pun, there," remarked Werren) Train Station to find the Witch. And they hadn't even spoken to Paws yet, either.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapter 20
The End (of the castle) part II
"Sagrado cuadrúpedo mamÃfero que se encuentra en los pastos!" Cried Destiny. "What?" Asked Checkers. "It's Italian; this really isn't the time to ask questions!" Dorothy said, guessing the language randomly. "Werren, stay out of the way!"
What had happened during the last 15 days (other than cleaning the castle) was basically this:
Werren had gotten the most part of his sight back, and he could now identify people he knew.
Dorothy had gotten around to fixing three and a half doors in the castle.
Destiny had, on a random impulse, decided to learn Spanish, mostly for the purpose of alternative swearing. It's not known how she actually found the resources to do this.
Checkers had started some sort of secret society with three other dogs--Ralphie, a miniature dauchsund; Allie, a golden retriever; and Koo-koo-ca-choo, a Scottish terrier with what appeared to be a walrus mustache. The society, "The League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs", was no longer secret when, in the second meeting, Checkers asked the members to advertise because "it's boring with only four members".
Then, on the 14th day, the four brave adventurers finally found where The Witch was.
At the moment, The Witch of the West had sent her best guards at Destiny, Dorothy, Checkers, and Werren. Werren, being able to see very little, was still able to fly around and attack at least one out of the ten guards. Checkers was running around, too fast for the guards to catch. Dorothy was trying to get to the room where the Witch was, and Destiny tried to stay out of the way, due to her inability to fight. "We're outnumbered!" Shouted Werren, floating to the ceiling. "Oh, really, now?" Checkers called back sarcastically, swiping a guard in the face and running away. "A little help, here?" Destiny squeaked. "Cover me!" Dorothy shouted, unnecessarily, as she found a door and ran into the room behind it, which turned out to be a storage closet full of cat food. "That's horrifically odd," Dorothy muttered to herself as she quickly left.
Meanwhile, The Witch had given up on her original ten guards, which were highly promoted Tiddlywinks, and had instead deployed her army of twenty cats, all highly skilled warriors. Destiny was being held at clawpoint by a Siamese cat, who was trying to get her to say what the Great Paws looked like. "I dunno...he was a giant rubber duck?" Destiny said randomly. "That is insane!" Said the Siamese cat, hissing. Destiny flinched. "The Master wishes to know what the Great Paws looks like so she may launch an attack on him! The Reign of Dogs has lasted long enough! We cats shall--" Before the cat could finish, Werren pounced on him and boxed his ears. "Youch! That's hardly fair! HELP!" "Never! Dogs are the rightful rulers of Paws! The land is even named after one!" Said Werren, growling. "Oi, let him go!" Shouted Checkers. "We're not trying to get anyone killed or involved in the election of world leader, here!" Werren gave the cat a final swat and flew off.
In the meantime, Dorothy was facing the vicious Witch of the West in her throne room. "You're a cat!" Cried Dorothy, very much surprised. Indeed the Witch was. She was a smoke Persian cat, with white stars scattered here and there in her fur. "Yes, I'm a cat. What else would I be? An eight-foot-tall Great Dane that breathes lightning?" "Perhaps." Dorothy saw a bucket of water nearby. "Anyway, sorry, but--" And then Dorothy picked up the bucket of water and tossed it on the Witch. "Take that! Muhahaha!" Dorothy shouted, quite enjoying herself. Then the room was filled with smoke. Rather than the witch lamenting over the world and such as she melted, as the smoke cleared, where the Witch was there was a 12 foot tall raven. Dorothy nearly fainted. "HOLY FRACKING TOASTED PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES!!" And then she really did faint.
"Sagrado cuadrúpedo mamÃfero que se encuentra en los pastos!" Cried Destiny. "What?" Asked Checkers. "It's Italian; this really isn't the time to ask questions!" Dorothy said, guessing the language randomly. "Werren, stay out of the way!"
What had happened during the last 15 days (other than cleaning the castle) was basically this:
Werren had gotten the most part of his sight back, and he could now identify people he knew.
Dorothy had gotten around to fixing three and a half doors in the castle.
Destiny had, on a random impulse, decided to learn Spanish, mostly for the purpose of alternative swearing. It's not known how she actually found the resources to do this.
Checkers had started some sort of secret society with three other dogs--Ralphie, a miniature dauchsund; Allie, a golden retriever; and Koo-koo-ca-choo, a Scottish terrier with what appeared to be a walrus mustache. The society, "The League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs", was no longer secret when, in the second meeting, Checkers asked the members to advertise because "it's boring with only four members".
Then, on the 14th day, the four brave adventurers finally found where The Witch was.
At the moment, The Witch of the West had sent her best guards at Destiny, Dorothy, Checkers, and Werren. Werren, being able to see very little, was still able to fly around and attack at least one out of the ten guards. Checkers was running around, too fast for the guards to catch. Dorothy was trying to get to the room where the Witch was, and Destiny tried to stay out of the way, due to her inability to fight. "We're outnumbered!" Shouted Werren, floating to the ceiling. "Oh, really, now?" Checkers called back sarcastically, swiping a guard in the face and running away. "A little help, here?" Destiny squeaked. "Cover me!" Dorothy shouted, unnecessarily, as she found a door and ran into the room behind it, which turned out to be a storage closet full of cat food. "That's horrifically odd," Dorothy muttered to herself as she quickly left.
Meanwhile, The Witch had given up on her original ten guards, which were highly promoted Tiddlywinks, and had instead deployed her army of twenty cats, all highly skilled warriors. Destiny was being held at clawpoint by a Siamese cat, who was trying to get her to say what the Great Paws looked like. "I dunno...he was a giant rubber duck?" Destiny said randomly. "That is insane!" Said the Siamese cat, hissing. Destiny flinched. "The Master wishes to know what the Great Paws looks like so she may launch an attack on him! The Reign of Dogs has lasted long enough! We cats shall--" Before the cat could finish, Werren pounced on him and boxed his ears. "Youch! That's hardly fair! HELP!" "Never! Dogs are the rightful rulers of Paws! The land is even named after one!" Said Werren, growling. "Oi, let him go!" Shouted Checkers. "We're not trying to get anyone killed or involved in the election of world leader, here!" Werren gave the cat a final swat and flew off.
In the meantime, Dorothy was facing the vicious Witch of the West in her throne room. "You're a cat!" Cried Dorothy, very much surprised. Indeed the Witch was. She was a smoke Persian cat, with white stars scattered here and there in her fur. "Yes, I'm a cat. What else would I be? An eight-foot-tall Great Dane that breathes lightning?" "Perhaps." Dorothy saw a bucket of water nearby. "Anyway, sorry, but--" And then Dorothy picked up the bucket of water and tossed it on the Witch. "Take that! Muhahaha!" Dorothy shouted, quite enjoying herself. Then the room was filled with smoke. Rather than the witch lamenting over the world and such as she melted, as the smoke cleared, where the Witch was there was a 12 foot tall raven. Dorothy nearly fainted. "HOLY FRACKING TOASTED PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES!!" And then she really did faint.
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