Normal? What is this "normal" of which you speak?
Well...The Wizard of Paws is finished, so now what?
Maybe I should finish The Tale of Nonsense...Remember that story about the mouse named Steve who was gathering strawberries? The one that got 2 posts and was interrupted by TWOP? I really do need to finish that...
And about the next parody: I think I will have to begin my own Blogger account and have a separate blog for stories. This will be put on hold until whenever we get wireless Internet, which was supposed to be two days ago.
So. What has happened during the postage of TWOP?
For one, we saw The Sorcerer's Apprentice and Toy Story 3 at the drive in theater a couple of weeks ago. And guess what happened while we were waiting for the movie to start? We got interviewed by a reporter for The Huntsville Times, who was doing a story about the few remaining drive in theaters in Alabama. According to him, though, you have to answer an Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader question before you can get your picture taken. Which turned out to be four questions. Which I think he got off of the back of a cereal box. (And yes, we are smarter than 5th graders.) Now, for the disclaimer: Our pictures are in the online newspaper. I'm not so sure that even counts. On the plus side, the reporter spelled my name right...after thinking that my name was Jenna. Another for the list, then.
As for The Sorcerer's Apprentice, I give it a 4 of 5 stars. The main character was whiny and ugly.
For Toy Story 3, if you'd like to remain with the happy memories of the first 2 movies, then don't watch the 3rd one. It's scary and rather sad.
Before that, we went to Land Between the Lakes, and we went to Arkansas (land of churches, fields, and monotony--I swear every 4-way stop looked the same), and I'm making a blanket made out Wrigley's chewing gum wrappers. It's one foot and three inches long, and one foot and four inches wide. I lost my case with my DS games in it during the LBL trip, and got it back recently. Very surprisingly, none of my Animal Crossing villagers moved out. Yes!! I have my perfect little population now. All you need is a lazy penguin and a villager with the Normal personality.
In less recent news, The Wizard of Oz play ended on May the 2nd.
In more recent news, I finished Little Women. It only took me 7 weeks, but then again, that's shorter than most Naruto battle sequences.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapters 23-End
And now! What the people who care to read this blog have probably been waiting for for the past 15 days...
“So,” said Dorothy as she and her friends trotted along the road of now shattered and cracked yellow sticks. “Should we reconsider what we'll ask the Great Paws? I recall that Werren asked for his eyesight to be fixed, but seeing as how he's practically 20/15 again, then...” “Don't forget,” Checkers pointed out, “that he's afraid of the dark.” Werren cringed. “Aww, you poor puppy,” Dorothy cooed, scratching Werren behind the ears, which he liked immensely. And onwards the adventurers continued...
Chapter 23
Loco vs. The Witch
At the train station, there are two separate platforms, one for cats and one for dogs. It has been like this since the two species began fighting a few years back. To prevent unpleasantness, they built the platforms, “they” in this instance being the Furry Fast Train Station Peaceful People. A smoke Persian cat with stars in her fur stood in line at Platform Feline, waiting to get a ticket so she could board the train to visit far off lands and possibly conquer them. When she got to the front of the line, she came face-to-face with a blue furred Scottish terrier with red stripes. The terrier had a conductor's hat on his head. “Oh, it's you again!” The cat shouted, panicking. “Yes, indeed, Le Chat Moullex Mal. We do meet again.” Loco responded. “How did you know my real name?” The Witch of the West said. “I can read minds!” Loco cried, turning around three times before saying, “silly kitty, I have a herd of chihuahuas who are as insane as I am at my bark and call. I have trained them to assume just about any role, and right now, they are spies. I sent some into your castle, and they said you had your name written on almost everything you owned. You really enjoyed that little label maker you stole from the Emerald Rock Candy City, huh?” The Witch looked around frantically, and then she saw a cup of water. She swiped at the water, knocking the cup over and getting her little fluffy head wet. The station filled with smoke, and passers-by looked at each other worriedly before running for the hills. When the smoke cleared, the Witch had turned into a 12 foot tall raven again. “Halt!” Shouted Loco to the Witch. “I am from the Department of Prevention of the Destruction of Public Property that doesn't exist yet. I command you to turn into a powerless kitten!” “You really think that works on me?” The Witch said, and lunged at Loco, who did a backflip and barked three times. Soon, the station was covered with chihuahuas dressed as fairies. “Not fairies, you silly puppies! Three barks means 'pack of wolves'!” Loco told the fairy dogs. “Oh,” they said in unison, and ran behind a train. When they came out, they had somehow grown wolf fur and little fangs, and were growling and snarling like a bunch of tiny Werrens. “Attack!” Loco ordered, and one half of the chihuahuas began to attack the raven, with the other half barking like mad. “Ah, I'm so proud of those little ones,” Loco said.
Chapter 24
The Showdown
Meanwhile, Dorothy and friends had stopped on the path leading to the train station. They saw a bunch of dogs and a 12 foot tall raven, in an ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny in the train station. “I see Loco has taken care of things,” Checkers said happily, taking a bite out of the picnic basket Emmie had prepared for them. “We can't simply stand here—what if something bad happens?” Dorothy said, worried about the fate of the insane dog and his comrades. “Oh, we'll know when he shouts.” Werren began to roll about in the grass. Checkers and Toto looked for shapes in the clouds. “My my, you three are so lazy!” Dorothy remarked, picking up Werren and poking Checkers and Toto with her foot. “Come on. Would you like it if you were trying to save a world, and your friends lazed about like a bunch of puppies on a Saturday afternoon? We're helping him.” And with that, Dorothy dragged the dogs along to the train station, with Checkers wailing, “but what about the picnic basket?”
At the station, the four saw that there was a huge pack of tiny wolves. “Hey. Kin!” Werren said, joining the pack of chihuahua wolves. The raven was flailing about, rendered helpless in the tangle of canines. Soon, the Witch was captured and put in a cage that Loco had obtained. “Where do you find these things, anyway?” Checkers asked Loco, pointing to the cage. “Oh. Hammerspace. It's a common thing 'round here,” Loco said. “That's the most sane thing I've ever heard you say.” “Sanity? Tell me, of this 'sanity'.” Loco tilted his head to one side. “Oh, nevermind. For a second there, you were making sense.” “Loco? Making sense? Now the world is turning upside-down,” Dorothy said, overhearing their conversation. “The world is turning upside down? We'll all end up in outer space!!” Checkers and Loco ran about in a panic. “Well, in a sense, the world is upside down. But we're kept in place by this thing, called 'gravity', and that's why we come back to earth when we jump.” Dorothy explained calmly. “Oh. Grabbity. Got it,” Checkers calmly replied, then he ran off, yelping, “the sky is falling!” Toto trotted up to Dorothy and sat down at her side. “Say, don't they act horrifically alike?” He said, confused. “They do...maybe they're brothers. I should ask Checkers one of these days. And that reminds me, I need to write a song about him...” Dorothy muttered, tapping the side of a building. “You do? Have you? Let's hear it!” Toto cried eagerly. Hearing this, Checkers suddenly stopped and sat down in front of Dorothy. The chihuahuas came, too, and soon, Dorothy had a small crowd watching her. “Erm, um, ah,” Dorothy stammered, trying to think of something impromptu. “Ahem. 'Ode to Checkers.'”
He is furry and he's crazy
And he is a smidgen lazy
But we love him any way
His name is Checkers.
He runs so fast that he can
Cross the entire land
He can jump above stalks of wheat
And loves blackberries.
He cleans things and was enslaved
Until we were all saved
He is a Scottish Terrier
And his name is Checkers.
Some insist his fur is a chessboard,
A few say it's backgammon.
But we all know it's a checkerboard
And he landed in a pond
He's furry and he's crazy
And he is a smidgen lazy
But we love him anyway
His name is Checkers!
When Dorothy ended her song, she received a chorus of cheers and applause. Checkers sniffed. “That was beautiful, Dory!” He said. “Thank you, thank you,” Dorothy said, wanting to stop being at the center of attention soon. “Everybody!” Werren barked when the cacophony ceased. “What do we do about the Witch? She got away once, she can do it again, you know.” “Hm, yes,” Muttered Loco. “I could turn her into a kitten,” a voice said. Everybody jumped, and in a puff of glitter, the good witch Queenie appeared. “She is in her weakened state, the Witch is,” Queenie explained. “I could turn her into a harmless smoke Persian kitten, and she'll have no powers at all. Also, she'll have no memories of having powers. Heck, Dorothy could take her back to Kansas if she wanted!” “Nope. Aunt Em would have a fit.” Dorothy waved her hand dismissively. “Besides, I'm not too sure we could feed her. It's a world of poverty and all that peanut butter sandwiches back home. By the way, can I stay here?”
Chapter 25
Surprises, Surprises
In the end, Queenie did turn the Witch into a harmless kitten, who was taken into Dorothy's care. Dorothy moved into Terrier Town, in a nice cottage next to Checkers'. Werren moved into Terrier Town, too, but Destiny remained at home in the City with her mother. The Yellow Stick Road was found to be horribly inconvenient, so over the course of several months, it was replaced with a road of yellow dirt, nice and smooth. The clever designers of the Emerald Rock Candy City put green piano keys that worked inside one of the rooms of the City, so the dogs could compose music. Dorothy even taught them tunes from her land every now and then. “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” became the unofficial Land of Paws anthem. As for Paws, though...
Dorothy, Werren, Toto, Checkers, and Destiny, sitting inside a wheeled basket, went to the City and barged into the throne room of the Great Paws without asking. The room was still very dark. Paws appeared as a pangolin.
“I AM PAWS, THE WISE AND--”
“Look, Mr. Paws guy. You sent us on a suicide mission, and then that didn't even work, so we had to fight the Witch twice, and THEN we had to come back here, and by now it's too late and half of us don't have any wishes anymore! You're a useless fake, and I hope the land gets renamed, and--”
“Werren. Calm down. This dog is the ruler of the world, here. I'd be willing to bet he could smite us all in a second.”
“Nah. Paws can't do that.”
“Hey, wait!” Toto started sniffing the air. “I smell chihuahuas!”
“We're found! We're found!”
The pangolin vanished, and the room brightened. Three very stressed and worried looking chihuahuas appeared from behind a curtain. One was wearing a headset. The other two sat behind a wheeled movie projector. “Aha! I knew it!” Checkers said triumphantly. “Why are you impostors posing as Paws?” Destiny demanded. “Well, ack, um, there is no Paws. He, erm,” stammered the chihuahua with a headset. “Paws died five years ago.” Finished one of the chihuahuas behind the projector. “NO!” Cried the adventurers in unison. “That's not right!” Added Dorothy. “How can we tell the City?” Wondered Destiny. “Like this.” Said Checkers, and he burst out of the throne room. “EMERGENCY MEETING!” He shouted at the top of his little terrier lungs. He ran to the courtyard of the city, with the others behind him, Dorothy and Destiny saying he was crazy, Werren yapping, and the chihuahuas and Toto making siren noises.
Soon, everyone was gathered. The chihuahuas stepped up. “There is no Paws,” the one in the headset said remorsefully. “He died five years ago of old age, at the age of seventy years,” confirmed Dr. Bernie. “Yikes,” thought Dorothy. “Why did you not tell us of this?” “We have been ruled by chihuahuas?!” “You are surely kidding! Show us the proof!” Demanded the crowd. Soon, there was such a loud uproar that Werren had to howl to make everybody shush. Werren was right about being able to howl very loudly; a glass window nearby shattered. A member of the crowd fainted. “Here is your proof!” Dr. Bernie ran into his office and returned with the certificate of death for The Great Wizard, Paws. “But now it can't be the Land of Paws anymore,” muttered some of the crowd. “But it will be, in honor of the wise ruler we had!” Said Dr. Bernie. “Paws said it should be like that. But sorry, chihuahuas, you can't run the world anymore.” “YES!” Cheered the chihuahuas, slapping paws. “We're free!” “You'd think you'd like to rule the world,” Toto told them. “Oh, it sounds all lovely. And then you have to pretend you're a different person, while never seeing the light of day, in our case. And anyway, there's rebelling nations to deal with. Oh, and the fact that you have to always please the population.” “Oh. I see.” “Who runs the world now?” Asked Werren. “We'll vote?” Suggested Dorothy. “No, that never works well...” Said Dr. Bernie. “Did Paws have any heirs?” Asked Destiny. “Hm...” Dr. Bernie ran back to his office and came back with a will. “Lessee...Oh.” “What?!” Yapped the crowd. “Is there a dog named Destiny here?” “Yes!” Toto said, thoughtlessly pointing to Destiny. “Me? I'm the heir to the world?” When Dr. Bernie nodded and showed her the will, Destiny fainted.
Chapter 26
The Years After
Destiny, when she came to, was informed that she couldn't legally rule the world 'cos she wasn't 21 human years yet. So, it really did come to voting for the next eight years. Then Destiny took care of most of her subject's problems, starting with Dorothy's, Checkers's, and Werren's.
“I AM DESTINY, THE WISE AND FURRY,” cried Destiny dramatically.
“You really are quite good at that,” complemented Checkers.
“Why thank you. So, any problems?” Destiny inquired.
“Why thank you. So, any problems?” Destiny inquired.
“Checkers here has a concentration problem,” answered Dorothy, nudging Checkers gently with her toe.
“I see,” said Destiny, trotting around the throne room, thinking. “Aha!” She went to a fridge and poured a dish of orange juice. “Drink up,” she said, pushing the dish in Checkers's general direction. “And this helps how?” Checkers asked, taking a cautious lick from the dish. Then he Scottish Terrier shrugged and drank up.
“Orange juices contains a high amount of concentration,” Destiny explained.
“Really?” Asked Dorothy. “That, in honest criticism, seems rather like an obvious answer...are you positive that'll work?”
“Well, the Wizard gave the Scarecrow pins in his head to keep him sharp, and that doesn't seem very pleasing to me.”
“How did you know?”
Destiny pulled a book entitled The Wizard of Oz out of hammerspace. Dorothy flipped through the pages, amazed. “Everything is to the letter! How did this person know of our travels?” “Well, a certain Scottish Terrier took his time to chronicle your tale, and he sent the manuscript to the author...” hinted Toto. “Wow, Toto! I had no idea you were this clever!” Dorothy cried, hugging the rather surprised canine. “Yes, yes,” said Toto, in the process of getting the air squeezed out of him. “Oh my!” shouted Dorothy, setting her furry friend down very quickly. “Sorry!”
“Now, for the werewolf,” Destiny said. “What is your wish?”
“I wish to have my fear of the dark cured,” Werren answered soberly. “Oh, and also, please cure this annoying ability to see through walls, I rather do not like it.”
You see, when Werren had his sight fully recovered, he got the ability to see through solid objects randomly, thanks to the brightness and glory of the Emerald Rock Candy City.
“Why, Werren, it's a gift to be able to do so many things that you can do. Heck, you're a flying, echo-locating, werewolf Scottish Terrier who can see through walls and has recovered from blindness, which I'm not too certain is medically possible! Me, I randomly set things on fire--” a candle nearby burst into flames-- “but you? You could help me rule the world!” “I'm not too certain the world would take well to being ruled by a werewolf,” Werren said slowly, “but thanks anyway. And what about my dark-a-phobia?”
“Just repeat to yourself, 'it's just the dark, I should really just relax,'” suggested Destiny.
“Yeah, like quoting a show that went off the air years ago will help,” said a sarcastic Loco, who appeared from a bush that was growing in the throne room, as usual. Then he turned around three times and told himself, “oh, shush, King Rubbershoes. She's trying to rule the world here.” Then he turned around three times again and continued like this, arguing with himself.
“I'll...try?” Werren said slowly. “We'll see. Brace yourself,” Destiny said, turning off the lights. “Yipes!” Werren cried, and he stepped backwards into the dish of orange juice. Then he had an idea! He barked, and the room lit up. “Well, duh,” he said to himself. “Remember you can echolocate now?” Destiny asked, turning the lights back on. Loco took a break from arguing with himself to say, “she mentioned it before, y'know, arfers." “Suppose you're cured now?” Destiny asked, hopeful. “Yes!” Chorused Checkers and Werren. “Oh, good!” Destiny cheered. “Anything for you, Dorothy?” “Nah. Life is good in Terrier Town,” Dorothy said happily.
“Then I suppose my work here is done,” Destiny said. “Please visit!”
And with that, we leave our good friends in The Land of Paws.
Back in Kansas...
Aunt Em yawned and stretched, tired from a day of gathering wood for a campfire and trying to cook things over it. On the minus side, she and Uncle Henry had to live in a makeshift campsite while they tried to build a new cabin. On the plus side, she'd lost a few pounds. Win some, lose some.
Wait.
What was she forgetting?
Maybe it was the fact that the water over the campfire was going to boil away to nothing. She went to attend to it.
Hm.
Maybe it was that.
The End
Monday, July 19, 2010
The Grand Finale!
Yep, this is the end! The Wizard of Paws is going through a tedious manual editing process, in which I'm copy/pasting all of the story into OpenOffice, so I can look for plot-holes and character flaws, and fix them! So far, I have found an obvious failure in the chapter numbering system: There are two chapter eights, so starting from "The Forest", consider all chapters to be a number greater than they are (chapter 9=10, chapter 11= chapter 12). I also forgot that Checkers was obsessed with games, that the Emerald City was supposed to be called "The Emerald-Rock-Candy City", that Dorothy was supposed to write a song about Checkers, and that Loco turns around three times before acting like another person.
My, my, aren't I sort of bad at this.
My, my, aren't I sort of bad at this.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Does anyone care?
I seem to be getting 0 feedback about The Wizard of Paws as of late. Hello? Anyone there?
Also, expect a few months between the end of TWP and the beginning of the next parody, if I ever do one.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapters 21-22
The End (of the castle) Part III
"Dorothy? Dorothy, wake up!"
Dorothy awoke to find that she was being licked on the face by--
"TOTO!" Dorothy cried, scooping up the long-lost puppy in her arms. "This time it really is you!" "Yes! 'Tis!" Toto gasped, squirming free from Dorothy's death grip. "Where'd you come from?" "I dunno. Guess what? I can talk and I'm the right-paw-man to the Great Paws! Isn't this amazing?" "Yes! Yes! Wait. Where's the huge crow-witch-thing? I tried killing her with water, but..." "Oh, she's right there," Toto said, pointing to a huge cage Dorothy hadn't seen hanging from the ceiling. The raven was locked inside, spewing a long stream of curses. "How'd you do that?" Dorothy asked. "Simple. Some crazy Scottish Terrier came from the ceiling, with a tribe of Chihuahua Indians following him. It was amazing!" "Good to hear Loco lived," Dorothy muttered. "Oh? That's his name?" Toto asked. "Yep. Where'd they go?" "If you speak of Loco and his band of merry men, they turned into ninjas and ran away under cover of smoke bombs. If you speak of those other three Scottish Terriers who were fighting in that room back there, then the silver one detonated the whole place." "Oh, s-- they're dead?!" Dorothy leaped to her feet, stumbling backwards. "No, no, you see--" "Come on, Toto!" Dorothy snapped her fingers and ran into the other room.
Indeed, something had detonated. There were bits of plaster and stones. The chandelier had crashed onto the ground, leaving bits of glass everywhere. "Destiny? Checkers? Werren?" Dorothy called out. "Here," said a tiny voice. Dorothy whirled around and saw that Werren was climbing out of a Werren-shaped hole in the wall. That had to hurt. Checkers ran into the room. "I ran off when Destiny started summoning fireballs. What happened? And where's Destiny?" "DESTINY!" Shouted Toto. "Marco! Marco! Marco!" Cried Checkers, frantic. Werren heard a barely audible whimper. "It came from the rubble!" He shouted, pointing to a pile of rocks. The group ran to where Destiny lay. She had been struck by a rock, but thankfully was laying beside the rubble, not in it. "Hey, Dorothy," Destiny said, coughing. "Looks like I do have a superpower. A pyroknenetic Scottish Terrier. Funny, huh?" "Are you okay?" Said Werren. Destiny coughed again. "I dunno," she said after a pause. "I might be crippled. Doubt I'm gonna die, though. Hey, who's the extra dog?" "This is Toto, who ran off at the beginning of this quest-thing and only recently came back," explained Dorothy, patting Toto on the head. "Let's get you to a vet," Checkers said. "I'll get the League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs." And he ran off to get the group. Together, they managed to carry Destiny out of the castle. The Tiddlywinks, seeing that people were leaving of their own free will, followed the group out of the castle. "Hey! I have an idea!" Piped up Ralphie. "Let's burn down the castle!" "How? There still might be Tiddlywinks inside!" Said one of the Tiddlywinks. Werren, in an afterthought, ran into the castle again and began barking. "Nope! Nobody!" He confirmed. "Then let's burn the place to the ground!" Cheered the Tiddlywinks. With multitudes of sticks, tar, and the assistance of Dorothy's opposable thumbs, soon the castle was ablaze!
And nobody noticed a little cat with stars in its fur run into the woods...
A week later, Destiny was lying in the veterinarian's office in The Emerald City, while Dorothy was arranging for Destiny's doghouse to be returned. Apparently, it was taken to be used for firewood, because Destiny had been gone for such a long time, and this was the policy in the Emerald City, albeit a very crummy one. Werren and Toto were playing checkers, using Checkers as the board and Velcro checker pieces to play. Checkers was flopped in front of the veterinarian's office, rather bored. All of the Tiddlywinks had returned to their hometowns or had moved into The Emerald City, so the bustling city was now even more noisy. Toto, in his sparetime, had begun selling earplugs. The League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs held meetings in a room built for this purpose; the League now totaled 40 main members, with 1,000 supporters and at least 90 minor members. Things were running smoothly, now that The Witch was destroyed.
Chapter 22
A Quest, Again
"Hey, everyone!" Shouted Emmet. "The Witch isn't dead! She was last seen wandering around at the train station. Will anybody volunteer to go and destroy her once-and-for-all?" The crowd was very puzzled. "That's suicidal!" "Where did you hear this?" "We have a train station?" "What's a train?" "Where's Paws when you need him?" "Okay...In cases like this one, we always take the last poor saps--ack! Brave heroes, I mean to say--who last quested and make them do it," said Emmet, scratching his ears nervously. "But since Destiny is unable to go, we shall have Toto go in her place. Sorry, Destiny!"
And so, Dorothy, Checkers, Toto, and Werren all ventured out to the Furry Fast ("horrible pun, there," remarked Werren) Train Station to find the Witch. And they hadn't even spoken to Paws yet, either.
"Dorothy? Dorothy, wake up!"
Dorothy awoke to find that she was being licked on the face by--
"TOTO!" Dorothy cried, scooping up the long-lost puppy in her arms. "This time it really is you!" "Yes! 'Tis!" Toto gasped, squirming free from Dorothy's death grip. "Where'd you come from?" "I dunno. Guess what? I can talk and I'm the right-paw-man to the Great Paws! Isn't this amazing?" "Yes! Yes! Wait. Where's the huge crow-witch-thing? I tried killing her with water, but..." "Oh, she's right there," Toto said, pointing to a huge cage Dorothy hadn't seen hanging from the ceiling. The raven was locked inside, spewing a long stream of curses. "How'd you do that?" Dorothy asked. "Simple. Some crazy Scottish Terrier came from the ceiling, with a tribe of Chihuahua Indians following him. It was amazing!" "Good to hear Loco lived," Dorothy muttered. "Oh? That's his name?" Toto asked. "Yep. Where'd they go?" "If you speak of Loco and his band of merry men, they turned into ninjas and ran away under cover of smoke bombs. If you speak of those other three Scottish Terriers who were fighting in that room back there, then the silver one detonated the whole place." "Oh, s-- they're dead?!" Dorothy leaped to her feet, stumbling backwards. "No, no, you see--" "Come on, Toto!" Dorothy snapped her fingers and ran into the other room.
Indeed, something had detonated. There were bits of plaster and stones. The chandelier had crashed onto the ground, leaving bits of glass everywhere. "Destiny? Checkers? Werren?" Dorothy called out. "Here," said a tiny voice. Dorothy whirled around and saw that Werren was climbing out of a Werren-shaped hole in the wall. That had to hurt. Checkers ran into the room. "I ran off when Destiny started summoning fireballs. What happened? And where's Destiny?" "DESTINY!" Shouted Toto. "Marco! Marco! Marco!" Cried Checkers, frantic. Werren heard a barely audible whimper. "It came from the rubble!" He shouted, pointing to a pile of rocks. The group ran to where Destiny lay. She had been struck by a rock, but thankfully was laying beside the rubble, not in it. "Hey, Dorothy," Destiny said, coughing. "Looks like I do have a superpower. A pyroknenetic Scottish Terrier. Funny, huh?" "Are you okay?" Said Werren. Destiny coughed again. "I dunno," she said after a pause. "I might be crippled. Doubt I'm gonna die, though. Hey, who's the extra dog?" "This is Toto, who ran off at the beginning of this quest-thing and only recently came back," explained Dorothy, patting Toto on the head. "Let's get you to a vet," Checkers said. "I'll get the League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs." And he ran off to get the group. Together, they managed to carry Destiny out of the castle. The Tiddlywinks, seeing that people were leaving of their own free will, followed the group out of the castle. "Hey! I have an idea!" Piped up Ralphie. "Let's burn down the castle!" "How? There still might be Tiddlywinks inside!" Said one of the Tiddlywinks. Werren, in an afterthought, ran into the castle again and began barking. "Nope! Nobody!" He confirmed. "Then let's burn the place to the ground!" Cheered the Tiddlywinks. With multitudes of sticks, tar, and the assistance of Dorothy's opposable thumbs, soon the castle was ablaze!
And nobody noticed a little cat with stars in its fur run into the woods...
A week later, Destiny was lying in the veterinarian's office in The Emerald City, while Dorothy was arranging for Destiny's doghouse to be returned. Apparently, it was taken to be used for firewood, because Destiny had been gone for such a long time, and this was the policy in the Emerald City, albeit a very crummy one. Werren and Toto were playing checkers, using Checkers as the board and Velcro checker pieces to play. Checkers was flopped in front of the veterinarian's office, rather bored. All of the Tiddlywinks had returned to their hometowns or had moved into The Emerald City, so the bustling city was now even more noisy. Toto, in his sparetime, had begun selling earplugs. The League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs held meetings in a room built for this purpose; the League now totaled 40 main members, with 1,000 supporters and at least 90 minor members. Things were running smoothly, now that The Witch was destroyed.
Chapter 22
A Quest, Again
"Hey, everyone!" Shouted Emmet. "The Witch isn't dead! She was last seen wandering around at the train station. Will anybody volunteer to go and destroy her once-and-for-all?" The crowd was very puzzled. "That's suicidal!" "Where did you hear this?" "We have a train station?" "What's a train?" "Where's Paws when you need him?" "Okay...In cases like this one, we always take the last poor saps--ack! Brave heroes, I mean to say--who last quested and make them do it," said Emmet, scratching his ears nervously. "But since Destiny is unable to go, we shall have Toto go in her place. Sorry, Destiny!"
And so, Dorothy, Checkers, Toto, and Werren all ventured out to the Furry Fast ("horrible pun, there," remarked Werren) Train Station to find the Witch. And they hadn't even spoken to Paws yet, either.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapter 20
The End (of the castle) part II
"Sagrado cuadrúpedo mamÃfero que se encuentra en los pastos!" Cried Destiny. "What?" Asked Checkers. "It's Italian; this really isn't the time to ask questions!" Dorothy said, guessing the language randomly. "Werren, stay out of the way!"
What had happened during the last 15 days (other than cleaning the castle) was basically this:
Werren had gotten the most part of his sight back, and he could now identify people he knew.
Dorothy had gotten around to fixing three and a half doors in the castle.
Destiny had, on a random impulse, decided to learn Spanish, mostly for the purpose of alternative swearing. It's not known how she actually found the resources to do this.
Checkers had started some sort of secret society with three other dogs--Ralphie, a miniature dauchsund; Allie, a golden retriever; and Koo-koo-ca-choo, a Scottish terrier with what appeared to be a walrus mustache. The society, "The League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs", was no longer secret when, in the second meeting, Checkers asked the members to advertise because "it's boring with only four members".
Then, on the 14th day, the four brave adventurers finally found where The Witch was.
At the moment, The Witch of the West had sent her best guards at Destiny, Dorothy, Checkers, and Werren. Werren, being able to see very little, was still able to fly around and attack at least one out of the ten guards. Checkers was running around, too fast for the guards to catch. Dorothy was trying to get to the room where the Witch was, and Destiny tried to stay out of the way, due to her inability to fight. "We're outnumbered!" Shouted Werren, floating to the ceiling. "Oh, really, now?" Checkers called back sarcastically, swiping a guard in the face and running away. "A little help, here?" Destiny squeaked. "Cover me!" Dorothy shouted, unnecessarily, as she found a door and ran into the room behind it, which turned out to be a storage closet full of cat food. "That's horrifically odd," Dorothy muttered to herself as she quickly left.
Meanwhile, The Witch had given up on her original ten guards, which were highly promoted Tiddlywinks, and had instead deployed her army of twenty cats, all highly skilled warriors. Destiny was being held at clawpoint by a Siamese cat, who was trying to get her to say what the Great Paws looked like. "I dunno...he was a giant rubber duck?" Destiny said randomly. "That is insane!" Said the Siamese cat, hissing. Destiny flinched. "The Master wishes to know what the Great Paws looks like so she may launch an attack on him! The Reign of Dogs has lasted long enough! We cats shall--" Before the cat could finish, Werren pounced on him and boxed his ears. "Youch! That's hardly fair! HELP!" "Never! Dogs are the rightful rulers of Paws! The land is even named after one!" Said Werren, growling. "Oi, let him go!" Shouted Checkers. "We're not trying to get anyone killed or involved in the election of world leader, here!" Werren gave the cat a final swat and flew off.
In the meantime, Dorothy was facing the vicious Witch of the West in her throne room. "You're a cat!" Cried Dorothy, very much surprised. Indeed the Witch was. She was a smoke Persian cat, with white stars scattered here and there in her fur. "Yes, I'm a cat. What else would I be? An eight-foot-tall Great Dane that breathes lightning?" "Perhaps." Dorothy saw a bucket of water nearby. "Anyway, sorry, but--" And then Dorothy picked up the bucket of water and tossed it on the Witch. "Take that! Muhahaha!" Dorothy shouted, quite enjoying herself. Then the room was filled with smoke. Rather than the witch lamenting over the world and such as she melted, as the smoke cleared, where the Witch was there was a 12 foot tall raven. Dorothy nearly fainted. "HOLY FRACKING TOASTED PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES!!" And then she really did faint.
"Sagrado cuadrúpedo mamÃfero que se encuentra en los pastos!" Cried Destiny. "What?" Asked Checkers. "It's Italian; this really isn't the time to ask questions!" Dorothy said, guessing the language randomly. "Werren, stay out of the way!"
What had happened during the last 15 days (other than cleaning the castle) was basically this:
Werren had gotten the most part of his sight back, and he could now identify people he knew.
Dorothy had gotten around to fixing three and a half doors in the castle.
Destiny had, on a random impulse, decided to learn Spanish, mostly for the purpose of alternative swearing. It's not known how she actually found the resources to do this.
Checkers had started some sort of secret society with three other dogs--Ralphie, a miniature dauchsund; Allie, a golden retriever; and Koo-koo-ca-choo, a Scottish terrier with what appeared to be a walrus mustache. The society, "The League of Ordinary Gentle Dogs", was no longer secret when, in the second meeting, Checkers asked the members to advertise because "it's boring with only four members".
Then, on the 14th day, the four brave adventurers finally found where The Witch was.
At the moment, The Witch of the West had sent her best guards at Destiny, Dorothy, Checkers, and Werren. Werren, being able to see very little, was still able to fly around and attack at least one out of the ten guards. Checkers was running around, too fast for the guards to catch. Dorothy was trying to get to the room where the Witch was, and Destiny tried to stay out of the way, due to her inability to fight. "We're outnumbered!" Shouted Werren, floating to the ceiling. "Oh, really, now?" Checkers called back sarcastically, swiping a guard in the face and running away. "A little help, here?" Destiny squeaked. "Cover me!" Dorothy shouted, unnecessarily, as she found a door and ran into the room behind it, which turned out to be a storage closet full of cat food. "That's horrifically odd," Dorothy muttered to herself as she quickly left.
Meanwhile, The Witch had given up on her original ten guards, which were highly promoted Tiddlywinks, and had instead deployed her army of twenty cats, all highly skilled warriors. Destiny was being held at clawpoint by a Siamese cat, who was trying to get her to say what the Great Paws looked like. "I dunno...he was a giant rubber duck?" Destiny said randomly. "That is insane!" Said the Siamese cat, hissing. Destiny flinched. "The Master wishes to know what the Great Paws looks like so she may launch an attack on him! The Reign of Dogs has lasted long enough! We cats shall--" Before the cat could finish, Werren pounced on him and boxed his ears. "Youch! That's hardly fair! HELP!" "Never! Dogs are the rightful rulers of Paws! The land is even named after one!" Said Werren, growling. "Oi, let him go!" Shouted Checkers. "We're not trying to get anyone killed or involved in the election of world leader, here!" Werren gave the cat a final swat and flew off.
In the meantime, Dorothy was facing the vicious Witch of the West in her throne room. "You're a cat!" Cried Dorothy, very much surprised. Indeed the Witch was. She was a smoke Persian cat, with white stars scattered here and there in her fur. "Yes, I'm a cat. What else would I be? An eight-foot-tall Great Dane that breathes lightning?" "Perhaps." Dorothy saw a bucket of water nearby. "Anyway, sorry, but--" And then Dorothy picked up the bucket of water and tossed it on the Witch. "Take that! Muhahaha!" Dorothy shouted, quite enjoying herself. Then the room was filled with smoke. Rather than the witch lamenting over the world and such as she melted, as the smoke cleared, where the Witch was there was a 12 foot tall raven. Dorothy nearly fainted. "HOLY FRACKING TOASTED PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES!!" And then she really did faint.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapter 19
Chapter 19
The End (of the Castle) Part I
"Hey, it just occurred to me." Checkers said. "Didn't the Great Paws say that us Terriers were going to be imprisoned?" "Imprisoned, enslaved, hardly any difference," Dorothy said, still running, which is rather hard to do in a dress. "You guys, how fast can you run?" "Dunno, never needed to," Destiny said. "Very, very, very, very fast," Checkers said quickly. "Alright, then." Dorothy set Checkers down. "Onward!" "Where?" "Follow me, then." Dorothy took off running again, using her apron to carry Destiny in like a basket. Checkers barked and ran off in a little cloud of dust. Dorothy blinked and skidded to a halt. "Where did he go?" "Right here!" Dorothy whirled around. Checkers was standing behind her. "Wow! Did you just run around the world?" "I think so. There was a bit of sand and then a bit of water and a bit of cornfields. I said I could run fast! And now I'm hungry." Checkers looked around and took a bite out of a nearby banister. "A bit dry, but hey, it's edible." "Could you run a bit slower?" "Yes," Checkers said, and followed Dorothy by running like a normal Scottish Terrier should. About five seconds later, they fell through a trapdoor and landed in the labyrinth.
"That went swimmingly!" Checkers sputtered. "Literally!" Destiny said, doggy-paddling to shore. They had managed to land in the part of the labyrinth with the pond in it. Dorothy, however, had caught herself just in time and didn't fall down the trapdoor. She jumped down instead to avoid breaking something.
Oh. What's this, now? Something fell into what I think might be a pond. Three somethings. And one of them is a human. Hey! DOROTHY! Yay!! She can actually see! I'm not lost anymore! MARCO! MARCO!
"POLO!!" Checkers shouted back. "I think that's Werren!" "Marco!" Shouted Werren. "POLO!" They all three shouted at the same time. "Help me up!" Destiny called to Dorothy, and she picked Destiny up and set her on top of the wall. "I see him! He's just come out of some sort of cave. I hear a grizzly bear. The grizzly bear is roaring! It's coming out of the cave! Werren is managing to evade its every attack! He just ran into a wall! GET UP, WERREN!! Yes! He did. The grizzly bear...just ran through the wall! Can they even do that?!
Holy carp! Werren can fly!!" "Werren can fly?!" Dorothy and Checkers said at the same time. "I never knew that either! And he's flying this way! Oh! He made a left turn and crashed into the castle. That had to hurt. And now he's coming back here--POLO!--and he's making a right turn! Seriously, since when could he fly, anyway..." Checkers hopped onto the wall next to Destiny. "And why is he getting bigger?" "Duck!" "Where?" Werren said as he crashed into Checkers.
"Oh, dear!" Dorothy cried, climbing out of the pond. "Are you okay?" "I am hurting!" Werren whimpered. "Think you broke anything?" "My brain! Do you have any idea how hard it is to navigate without being able to see anything?" "Werren, since when could you fly?" Destiny cut in. "I can't fly, don't be silly," Werren said, jumping up in the air and staying there. "Erm, you're floating five feet above the ground." "What?" Werren landed with a thud. "Ah, apparently I can fly. Hm. I never knew that." "Yes, and Checkers can run around the world in less than ten seconds." Dorothy said, wringing the water out of her hair. "What can you do, Destiny?" "No idea," Destiny said. "How's your brain, Werren?" Werren tapped the ground with his paw. "Same old, same old. Why do you have a frog on your head?" "Oh!" Destiny cried, and the frog that had been sitting on her head this whole time hopped away. "How did you know that?" "You can use echolocation!" Dorothy said. "That was both random and spontaneous," Destiny said. Werren barked. "Icanseethelight--aw, it's gone."
"You guys need to know my plan," Dorothy said, tapping them each on the head. "What is it?" "You see, once I killed a witch much like that one living there." Dorothy pointed to the castle. "I did it by pouring a bucket of water on her head. I assure you, it was an accident, but apparently, these kinds of witches are deadly allergic to water." "How do they stay hydrated?" Werren asked. "Beats me. Anyway, I think I can do the same thing here and free the Tiddlywinks." "Cool. Where's the Witch, anyway?" Checkers asked. "That's our problem. I don't think anybody even knows what she looks like." "Maybe she's the evil twin sister of Paws!" Destiny guessed. "Possibly. For all we know, she's eight feet tall and breathes lightning."
The End (of the Castle) Part I
"Hey, it just occurred to me." Checkers said. "Didn't the Great Paws say that us Terriers were going to be imprisoned?" "Imprisoned, enslaved, hardly any difference," Dorothy said, still running, which is rather hard to do in a dress. "You guys, how fast can you run?" "Dunno, never needed to," Destiny said. "Very, very, very, very fast," Checkers said quickly. "Alright, then." Dorothy set Checkers down. "Onward!" "Where?" "Follow me, then." Dorothy took off running again, using her apron to carry Destiny in like a basket. Checkers barked and ran off in a little cloud of dust. Dorothy blinked and skidded to a halt. "Where did he go?" "Right here!" Dorothy whirled around. Checkers was standing behind her. "Wow! Did you just run around the world?" "I think so. There was a bit of sand and then a bit of water and a bit of cornfields. I said I could run fast! And now I'm hungry." Checkers looked around and took a bite out of a nearby banister. "A bit dry, but hey, it's edible." "Could you run a bit slower?" "Yes," Checkers said, and followed Dorothy by running like a normal Scottish Terrier should. About five seconds later, they fell through a trapdoor and landed in the labyrinth.
"That went swimmingly!" Checkers sputtered. "Literally!" Destiny said, doggy-paddling to shore. They had managed to land in the part of the labyrinth with the pond in it. Dorothy, however, had caught herself just in time and didn't fall down the trapdoor. She jumped down instead to avoid breaking something.
Oh. What's this, now? Something fell into what I think might be a pond. Three somethings. And one of them is a human. Hey! DOROTHY! Yay!! She can actually see! I'm not lost anymore! MARCO! MARCO!
"POLO!!" Checkers shouted back. "I think that's Werren!" "Marco!" Shouted Werren. "POLO!" They all three shouted at the same time. "Help me up!" Destiny called to Dorothy, and she picked Destiny up and set her on top of the wall. "I see him! He's just come out of some sort of cave. I hear a grizzly bear. The grizzly bear is roaring! It's coming out of the cave! Werren is managing to evade its every attack! He just ran into a wall! GET UP, WERREN!! Yes! He did. The grizzly bear...just ran through the wall! Can they even do that?!
Holy carp! Werren can fly!!" "Werren can fly?!" Dorothy and Checkers said at the same time. "I never knew that either! And he's flying this way! Oh! He made a left turn and crashed into the castle. That had to hurt. And now he's coming back here--POLO!--and he's making a right turn! Seriously, since when could he fly, anyway..." Checkers hopped onto the wall next to Destiny. "And why is he getting bigger?" "Duck!" "Where?" Werren said as he crashed into Checkers.
"Oh, dear!" Dorothy cried, climbing out of the pond. "Are you okay?" "I am hurting!" Werren whimpered. "Think you broke anything?" "My brain! Do you have any idea how hard it is to navigate without being able to see anything?" "Werren, since when could you fly?" Destiny cut in. "I can't fly, don't be silly," Werren said, jumping up in the air and staying there. "Erm, you're floating five feet above the ground." "What?" Werren landed with a thud. "Ah, apparently I can fly. Hm. I never knew that." "Yes, and Checkers can run around the world in less than ten seconds." Dorothy said, wringing the water out of her hair. "What can you do, Destiny?" "No idea," Destiny said. "How's your brain, Werren?" Werren tapped the ground with his paw. "Same old, same old. Why do you have a frog on your head?" "Oh!" Destiny cried, and the frog that had been sitting on her head this whole time hopped away. "How did you know that?" "You can use echolocation!" Dorothy said. "That was both random and spontaneous," Destiny said. Werren barked. "Icanseethelight--aw, it's gone."
"You guys need to know my plan," Dorothy said, tapping them each on the head. "What is it?" "You see, once I killed a witch much like that one living there." Dorothy pointed to the castle. "I did it by pouring a bucket of water on her head. I assure you, it was an accident, but apparently, these kinds of witches are deadly allergic to water." "How do they stay hydrated?" Werren asked. "Beats me. Anyway, I think I can do the same thing here and free the Tiddlywinks." "Cool. Where's the Witch, anyway?" Checkers asked. "That's our problem. I don't think anybody even knows what she looks like." "Maybe she's the evil twin sister of Paws!" Destiny guessed. "Possibly. For all we know, she's eight feet tall and breathes lightning."
The Wizard of Paws chapters 17-18, continued
[Sorry about the ten-day wait for the continuation of the story. Story now resumes.]
The only problem with Werren's plotting was the fact that he couldn't see anything. He bumped into several walls and almost tripped down the stairs.
Hm. This is a wall. Ow! And, it's solid and apparently made out of...brick. So is that wall. And also that wall. Hey, and there's a wall there, too! Why are there--oh, marmalade.
Werren had somehow stumbled into the castle labyrinth.
--------
Dorothy had been given a roll of shiny sticky stuff that was called "duct tape" and she was using it to fasten all of the forty-two doors to their hinges. So far, she was on door one. The duct tape was getting stuck to her fingers more than anything else. "Hm. You know what?" She said to herself. "I think I have an idea!" And she tossed the duct tape out the nearest window and ran off to find Destiny, Werren, and Checkers.
--------
Destiny was still scrubbing at the floor. Checkers had fallen asleep. Destiny went over to him and poked him. Checkers snored. Destiny poked him again. Checkers yawned and looked up at her. "Ah," he said. "Is it Friday yet?" "'Fraid not," Destiny said. "But look." Checkers followed her up a ladder. From here, they could see everything going on on the floor. There were a couple of Tiddlywinks roaming about, dusting things. "Oh!" said Checkers, looking at the floor. "Now that is just clever!" What Destiny had done was make a gigantic map of the entire known Land of Paws by scrubbing the pictures onto the floor. "What's the point of it, though?" Destiny Scottish-Terrier shrugged. "Because it's there."
--------
What's that? It sounds like something is falling out of the sky!
OW!
What was that for?! I think somebody just threw a roll of duct tape at my head! Hey! Somebody just did!
"Karma will get you for this!!" Werren shouted to whoever had thrown the duct tape at him.
--------
Dorothy had no idea how big the castle was.
It was very big. And there were no maps.
So perhaps it was just pure luck that she ran straight into the room Destiny and Checkers were in. Dorothy looked at them. "Why are you on a ladder?" She asked. "Well, there was a rather lovely drawing on the floor you just got covered in mud," Checkers said, scowling. Dorothy looked at her feet. "Oh. Sorry. Anyway, I have an idea. Follow me, we're finding the Witch of the West!"
--------
I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm oh so very lost, and there is a pain in my head, and I'm lost...
OW!
And there's a wall right THERE and a wall right there and a
MEEP!
trapdoor there and what sounds like a t-rex there and a sunbeam there and a grizzly bear and hopefully it's in a cage and now there's the light of day I can tell 'cos it's no longer cold and dark-ish.
--------
Dorothy, Checkers, and Destiny ran through the castle to find wherever Werren had gone. The cunning little dog had escaped from the basement. Destiny hopped onto a windowsill. "Hey! A labyrinth!" She shouted to the others. Dorothy picked Checkers up and ran to the windowsill. "Indeed, there is," Dorothy said. "Do you think Werren is there?" One of the Tiddlywinks walked by. "Quick! Act busy!" Destiny whispered, and the three of them quickly pretended to be sweeping. As soon as the guard left, Dorothy grabbed both Scottish Terriers and dashed to where she hoped was the door outside.
The only problem with Werren's plotting was the fact that he couldn't see anything. He bumped into several walls and almost tripped down the stairs.
Hm. This is a wall. Ow! And, it's solid and apparently made out of...brick. So is that wall. And also that wall. Hey, and there's a wall there, too! Why are there--oh, marmalade.
Werren had somehow stumbled into the castle labyrinth.
--------
Dorothy had been given a roll of shiny sticky stuff that was called "duct tape" and she was using it to fasten all of the forty-two doors to their hinges. So far, she was on door one. The duct tape was getting stuck to her fingers more than anything else. "Hm. You know what?" She said to herself. "I think I have an idea!" And she tossed the duct tape out the nearest window and ran off to find Destiny, Werren, and Checkers.
--------
Destiny was still scrubbing at the floor. Checkers had fallen asleep. Destiny went over to him and poked him. Checkers snored. Destiny poked him again. Checkers yawned and looked up at her. "Ah," he said. "Is it Friday yet?" "'Fraid not," Destiny said. "But look." Checkers followed her up a ladder. From here, they could see everything going on on the floor. There were a couple of Tiddlywinks roaming about, dusting things. "Oh!" said Checkers, looking at the floor. "Now that is just clever!" What Destiny had done was make a gigantic map of the entire known Land of Paws by scrubbing the pictures onto the floor. "What's the point of it, though?" Destiny Scottish-Terrier shrugged. "Because it's there."
--------
What's that? It sounds like something is falling out of the sky!
OW!
What was that for?! I think somebody just threw a roll of duct tape at my head! Hey! Somebody just did!
"Karma will get you for this!!" Werren shouted to whoever had thrown the duct tape at him.
--------
Dorothy had no idea how big the castle was.
It was very big. And there were no maps.
So perhaps it was just pure luck that she ran straight into the room Destiny and Checkers were in. Dorothy looked at them. "Why are you on a ladder?" She asked. "Well, there was a rather lovely drawing on the floor you just got covered in mud," Checkers said, scowling. Dorothy looked at her feet. "Oh. Sorry. Anyway, I have an idea. Follow me, we're finding the Witch of the West!"
--------
I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm oh so very lost, and there is a pain in my head, and I'm lost...
OW!
And there's a wall right THERE and a wall right there and a
MEEP!
trapdoor there and what sounds like a t-rex there and a sunbeam there and a grizzly bear and hopefully it's in a cage and now there's the light of day I can tell 'cos it's no longer cold and dark-ish.
--------
Dorothy, Checkers, and Destiny ran through the castle to find wherever Werren had gone. The cunning little dog had escaped from the basement. Destiny hopped onto a windowsill. "Hey! A labyrinth!" She shouted to the others. Dorothy picked Checkers up and ran to the windowsill. "Indeed, there is," Dorothy said. "Do you think Werren is there?" One of the Tiddlywinks walked by. "Quick! Act busy!" Destiny whispered, and the three of them quickly pretended to be sweeping. As soon as the guard left, Dorothy grabbed both Scottish Terriers and dashed to where she hoped was the door outside.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapters 17-18
Chapter 17
Diary of a Minion
Dear Diary,
Don't ask how or even why, butThe Wi Master somehow captured a human girl and three dogs. The girl has been put to work doing things that only opposable thumbs may accomplish, the dogs have been put to work like the rest of us. There's a silver one, a black one, and one with an odd pattern in his fur resembling a chessboard. He insists that it is a checkerboard. Master is convinced that it is a backgammon board and so we leave it at that.
I have to leave now because the floors need to be scrubbed.
-Coo-coo-ka-choo
Chapter 18
Plotting
"This is pathetic!" Checkers moaned. He had been harnessed to a wagon and was pulling things around the castle of the Witch of the West. "I am a respectable Scottish Terrier of Terrier Town, and I will not subject to this!" "Shush!" Destiny barked. She was scrubbing the floors of the castle using a little system involving the dogs strapping scrub brushes to their paws. "I'm trying to concentrate!" "I wonder where Werren is," Checkers said, gazing out the window. "Last I heard of him, he said something about be back in a fortnight," Destiny said, carefully rubbing at certain spots on the floor with the brushes and skipping other ones entirely. "That doesn't seem very efficient." Checkers nodded at the floor. "You'll see, you'll all see," Destiny muttered, scrubbing away.
As for Dorothy, she was in the hall outside of the Witch's room, pacing back and forth and contemplating how, exactly, she was to go about freeing all of the original subjects of the West who called themselves Tiddlywinks, freeing herself, the other slaves, and her friends, getting back into the Emerald City in one piece, and fixing all of the broken doors in the castle. The Witch informed her there were about forty-two. Come to think of it, Dorothy had never even seen the Witch.
Werren was in the basement, herding all of the rats into a corner so he could get on with dusting. To dust, the dogs had to throw a rag like a boomerang at spiderwebs and they had to wear socks on their paws.
Werren got sick of this after about fifteen minutes and the third time the rag had gone careening off into the bushes outside the open window. Using his teeth, he tore the socks off and ran upstairs. He could easily blend into the shadows and remained generally unseen.
{AHEM. Most horribly sorry, but it is 11:00 PM, and I am tired, and this chapter is getting longer than anticipated. So, I have to leave you all in a cliffhanger.
-The Chanagement}
Diary of a Minion
Dear Diary,
Don't ask how or even why, but
I have to leave now because the floors need to be scrubbed.
-Coo-coo-ka-choo
Chapter 18
Plotting
"This is pathetic!" Checkers moaned. He had been harnessed to a wagon and was pulling things around the castle of the Witch of the West. "I am a respectable Scottish Terrier of Terrier Town, and I will not subject to this!" "Shush!" Destiny barked. She was scrubbing the floors of the castle using a little system involving the dogs strapping scrub brushes to their paws. "I'm trying to concentrate!" "I wonder where Werren is," Checkers said, gazing out the window. "Last I heard of him, he said something about be back in a fortnight," Destiny said, carefully rubbing at certain spots on the floor with the brushes and skipping other ones entirely. "That doesn't seem very efficient." Checkers nodded at the floor. "You'll see, you'll all see," Destiny muttered, scrubbing away.
As for Dorothy, she was in the hall outside of the Witch's room, pacing back and forth and contemplating how, exactly, she was to go about freeing all of the original subjects of the West who called themselves Tiddlywinks, freeing herself, the other slaves, and her friends, getting back into the Emerald City in one piece, and fixing all of the broken doors in the castle. The Witch informed her there were about forty-two. Come to think of it, Dorothy had never even seen the Witch.
Werren was in the basement, herding all of the rats into a corner so he could get on with dusting. To dust, the dogs had to throw a rag like a boomerang at spiderwebs and they had to wear socks on their paws.
Werren got sick of this after about fifteen minutes and the third time the rag had gone careening off into the bushes outside the open window. Using his teeth, he tore the socks off and ran upstairs. He could easily blend into the shadows and remained generally unseen.
{AHEM. Most horribly sorry, but it is 11:00 PM, and I am tired, and this chapter is getting longer than anticipated. So, I have to leave you all in a cliffhanger.
-The Chanagement}
Saturday, May 29, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapter 16 (sorry most of them are so short)
Chapter 16
Expect the Unexpected and All That
"Why are you all leaving so soon?" Emmet asked as the four travelers got to the gates to the Emerald City. "The Great Paws told us to risk life and limb to go save ourselves," Checkers said. "We have to go and get kidnapped by Flying Monkeys and then be enslaved and then we have to come back after slaying the ruler of the West wherever and then we--" "Since when did we get kidnapped?" Dorothy interrupted. "Since now," Checkers said. "And you're seriously going to do all that?" Emmet asked. "Yes," Checkers said. "Can we go now?" "I don't see why not," Emmet said, opening the gates to the city.
"Won't we need to go through the Just A Field again?" Checkers asked when they got close to it. "Drat! Yes," Dorothy said. "Now how--" "Simple!" Checkers jumped onto Dorothy's head and Destiny grabbed onto Dorothy's leg and refused to let go. This way, they all got through, although Destiny came out looking like a pile of hay with eyes. "Could you please get off of my head?" Dorothy asked Checkers, irritated. "I'm your lookout," Checkers said, and this way he didn't have to walk for quite awhile. "Lucky dog," Dorothy grumbled.
"Hey! I see something! It looks like a huge, metal thingie!" Checkers yelped. Dorothy looked at the sky. There was a something that looked like a huge metal whale with a flower on top that was spinning very fast-
"It's a helicopter! RUN!" Destiny screamed, and she dashed into the bushes. "Nope! This is all part of the master plan!" Checkers said, jumping off of Dorothy's head. "Flying monkeys, come for me now!" "No, idiot!" Dorothy picked Checkers up and tossed him into the bushes, then dived behind a tree, setting the picnic basket next to Checkers, who said, "what was that for?!" "You were asking to get kidnapped!" Dorothy snapped, searching the sky to make sure the helicopter was gone. "That was the plan. Remember?" Checkers scratched Dorothy on purpose. "Ow! What was that for?" "Dropping me and forgetting the plan." "Okay, then, if you're so intent on the stupid plan--" Dorothy picked Checkers up and was intending to toss him back onto the path when one of the dogs barked. Dorothy looked around and quickly realized that it was Loco. "Halt! I am from the Department of Animal Abuse That Isn't Built Yet. Set the dog down and surrender yourself to the Flying Monkeys." "You and what army that doesn't exist?" Dorothy said, setting Checkers on the ground anyway. "This army!" Loco said, and a group of chihuahuas swarmed from every direction. Some were even parachuting from the sky. Then they all stopped and stood perfectly still. "Do you know that chihuahuas have a very loud bark?" Loco said. He had somehow found a little army hat and was wearing it. "No, what's a chihuahua?" Dorothy asked, not liking the eerie silence much. "A small dog." Loco said, and he did a little dance that was apparently a signal for the chihuahuas to begin barking. "What is this infernal noise?!" Destiny shouted above all the noise. She had her head partially buried in the ground. "I THINK IT'S THE SOUNDS OF CHIHUAHUAS BARKING!!" Dorothy shouted back. She had her hands pressed over her ears. "I THINK IT'S LOVELY!" Checkers replied. He was swaying back and forth like this was a concert. Suddenly, a howl came from seemingly nowhere that was so loud, Dorothy was completely certain she would go deaf. "What was that?" Destiny asked, dazed. Even the chihuahuas were quiet. "It...came...from the picnic basket!" Loco said, backing away. "Stay back, minions!" The chihuahuas obeyed. "Oh, wait," Dorothy said, opening the picnic basket. "Good morning, Werren. You saved us from the chihuahuas but I think I'll be semi-deaf for a few days." "Win some, lose some," Werren said, stretching. "And you should hear me when I'm actually howling!" "Then that was a yawn?" Checkers said. Werren nodded. "This werewolf is dangerous! Retreat, minions, retreat!" Loco cried, running out of the bushes, onto the path, and into the bushes on the other side of the path, his chihuahua minions following. "So he's our enemy now?" Dorothy asked, stepping cautiously onto the path. "I suppose," Destiny said, "as long as he has those chihuahuas with him. Where the hey did they come from, anyway? I don't remember their kind in the Land of Paws." "Tourists?" Dorothy guessed. Checkers Scottish-terrier shrugged.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapter 15
Chapter 15
Goodbye, Cruel World
"He's insane," Werren mumbled. "Sending us on a suicide mission? Insanity." "I resent that!" Came a voice from the bushes. "Who was that?" Dorothy said, whirling around. "Oh, probably Loco," Checkers said, Scottish-terrier shrugging. Dorothy didn't say anything.
"I guess we need to leave now," Destiny sighed, looking around sadly at her home. "Seems like I just got here..." "Bingo," Checkers said. "It's only been seven hours and nine minutes." "Good for you!" Destiny said sarcastically. "Isn't it, though," Checkers said. "Come on," Dorothy said, walking towards the sleeping chambers. "We all need to rest up, first. Destiny, find the cook and ask him to ready some supplies for us, please." "Sure." Destiny trotted off towards the kitchen. "In the meantime--" Checkers said, and immediately fell asleep. "Yeah, good idea," Dorothy yawned, and she put Werren in his little doghouse and crawled into hers. Destiny, after failing to find the cook, gave up and went back to her doghouse that was not really hers.
The next day, the cook had returned, and Destiny woke up early to go fetch him. Soon she had a little green picnic basket filled with green apples, green lemonade, green celery sticks, green dog treats, and green sandwiches with green peanut-butter. "Are you sure this is enough for all of you?" The cook asked. "Look, Emmie. One of the members of this party will eat anything. If nothing else, he'll eat the picnic basket." Destiny grabbed the picnic basket in her mouth. "Okay," Emmie said. "Good luck!" "Fank oo!" Destiny said--really "thank you"--but she still had the picnic basket.
"Wakie, wakie," Checkers said, poking Dorothy. She didn't move. "Fine, then..." And he barked. "How do expect me to catch a fire-breathing--oh, hi, Checkers. What time is it?" "You've been asleep for the past nine hours. I thought you were hibernating," Checkers remarked. "Doesn't answer my question, but okay," Dorothy said sleepily, rubbing her eyes. "Where's Destiny?" "Ight 'ere," Destiny said, walking into the room, still carrying the picnic basket. "Okay, now we need Werren," Dorothy said, walking into his doghouse and shaking him awake. Werren awoke with a howl. "Hark! The full moon!" He said, and then fell right back to sleep. Dorothy soon gave up trying to wake him, took the picnic basket from Destiny, found a small pillow and put it on top of the food, and settled Werren on top of that. "There. Are we ready?" "Sure," Checkers said, and they all set off towards the great unknown. "Goodbye, cruel world," Werren mumbled. "Are you awake?" Dorothy asked. "Barely..." Werren said, yawning, and soon he was asleep again.
Goodbye, Cruel World
"He's insane," Werren mumbled. "Sending us on a suicide mission? Insanity." "I resent that!" Came a voice from the bushes. "Who was that?" Dorothy said, whirling around. "Oh, probably Loco," Checkers said, Scottish-terrier shrugging. Dorothy didn't say anything.
"I guess we need to leave now," Destiny sighed, looking around sadly at her home. "Seems like I just got here..." "Bingo," Checkers said. "It's only been seven hours and nine minutes." "Good for you!" Destiny said sarcastically. "Isn't it, though," Checkers said. "Come on," Dorothy said, walking towards the sleeping chambers. "We all need to rest up, first. Destiny, find the cook and ask him to ready some supplies for us, please." "Sure." Destiny trotted off towards the kitchen. "In the meantime--" Checkers said, and immediately fell asleep. "Yeah, good idea," Dorothy yawned, and she put Werren in his little doghouse and crawled into hers. Destiny, after failing to find the cook, gave up and went back to her doghouse that was not really hers.
The next day, the cook had returned, and Destiny woke up early to go fetch him. Soon she had a little green picnic basket filled with green apples, green lemonade, green celery sticks, green dog treats, and green sandwiches with green peanut-butter. "Are you sure this is enough for all of you?" The cook asked. "Look, Emmie. One of the members of this party will eat anything. If nothing else, he'll eat the picnic basket." Destiny grabbed the picnic basket in her mouth. "Okay," Emmie said. "Good luck!" "Fank oo!" Destiny said--really "thank you"--but she still had the picnic basket.
"Wakie, wakie," Checkers said, poking Dorothy. She didn't move. "Fine, then..." And he barked. "How do expect me to catch a fire-breathing--oh, hi, Checkers. What time is it?" "You've been asleep for the past nine hours. I thought you were hibernating," Checkers remarked. "Doesn't answer my question, but okay," Dorothy said sleepily, rubbing her eyes. "Where's Destiny?" "Ight 'ere," Destiny said, walking into the room, still carrying the picnic basket. "Okay, now we need Werren," Dorothy said, walking into his doghouse and shaking him awake. Werren awoke with a howl. "Hark! The full moon!" He said, and then fell right back to sleep. Dorothy soon gave up trying to wake him, took the picnic basket from Destiny, found a small pillow and put it on top of the food, and settled Werren on top of that. "There. Are we ready?" "Sure," Checkers said, and they all set off towards the great unknown. "Goodbye, cruel world," Werren mumbled. "Are you awake?" Dorothy asked. "Barely..." Werren said, yawning, and soon he was asleep again.
Monday, May 24, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapters 12-14
Chapter 12
This Is Not Good
"Oh no!" Destiny yelped. "Werren! Werren! Close your eyes or you'll go blind! Dorothy, put the glasses back on him!" Dorothy quickly tied the glasses back on Werren's nose. He opened his eyes. "Ack! Who turned out the lights?" He barked. "Oh, no..." Destiny muttered. "Werren? How many paws am I holding up?" "...One?" "Oh, no. Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no--can you see anything?" Destiny was pacing around the room nervously. "Nothing. I--" Werren stopped. "Is this permanent? Tell me!" "I...I don't know." Destiny said. "I'll go get a doctor!" Destiny fled. "Werren," Checkers said, "in case you're wondering, you're about to run--"
THUD!
"...Into a wall."
Werren said something colorful. "A BIT OF A SLOW WARNING THERE!!!" He shouted at Checkers, who stepped back. "Calm down, Werren," Dorothy said meekly, not liking the shouting. Destiny returned with a green St. Bernard. "I am Dr. Ernie," he said. "What's wrong with your friend here?" "His glasses fell off and he had his eyes open just long enough to damage them," Destiny explained. "He's blind." "I see," Dr. Ernie said, watching Werren bump into a doghouse. "How long must I suffer?" Werren howled. "Precisely how long were his eyes open?" "2.42 seconds," Checkers answered. "How did you do that?" Dorothy asked, amazed. "Internal stopwatch," Checkers said. "Amazing!" Dr. Ernie marveled. "That's very rare in Scottish terriers. Though according to my calculations, your friend here--" "My name is Werren," Werren growled. "--Sorry. Werren here ought to have his eyesight back in about...five weeks, though there may be side effects." "FIVE WEEKS?" Werren shouted, and he fainted.
Chapter 13
A Search
Werren came to a few minutes later. "I have another request for Paws," was the first thing he said. "And I'm not waiting overnight. I don't know about you guys, but I'm breaking into wherever Paws is. G'bye!" With this, he ran out the door. "I'm going after him. There's no way he'll get back here otherwise," Destiny said, running after him. "Wait for me!" Dorothy said, chasing after her. Checkers sat there for a minute. "Well don't just leave me here!" He got up and followed them.
By now, Destiny and Dorothy had caught up to Werren, who was about to run straight into a green marble pillar. "STOP!" Dorothy shouted. Werren managed to make a hairpin turn and skid to a stop right at Dorothy's feet. "Where is the throne room, anyway?" He asked irritably. "It's a five-minute walk to your left." Destiny said. Dorothy picked Werren up and carried him there, much to his humiliation. "Where's Checkers?" Destiny asked after a while. "He's still where we left him," Dorothy said. "I hope."
Checkers was in fact desperately trying to find where his friends had gone. "Have you seen a werewolf, a silver dog, or a human anywhere?" He kept asking. Either nobody knew what he was talking about, or they gave him directions to where they were, but by the time he got there, they had left. "Ugh. What now?" Checkers sighed, flopping down on the green ground. Then he heard a familiar noise. Something along the lines of bushes rustling...He looked up. Since when had there been an indoor garden? And then Loco came bounding out of the topiaries, singing something horribly off-key. "What's up with you?" Checkers asked. "Oh, a little doggie gave me some green stuff that tasted funny," Loco said, twirling around. Checkers stared at him blankly. "There he is!" Emmet said, stopping Loco before he fell over. "He broke into the City and then he wouldn't stop talking, so I gave him a concoction Dr. Ernie made so he would fall asleep, and then we could sneak him out... Turns out, the only effect it had on him was to make him act horribly drunk..." Emmet whispered. Checkers nodded. "Honestly, I see little difference." Loco began to mutter something about how he was Captain Hook, Peter Pan will pay for stealing the peanut-butter cookies, whatever that was. "Well, I think I could get him out anyway..." Emmet began dragging Loco towards the door. "Oh, by the way," Checkers added quickly, "do you know where Dory and the others are?" "Second star on the right, straight on 'til morning," Loco said. "Thanks!" Checkers called after him, searching for a star.
By now, Dorothy, Werren, and Destiny had reached the throne room. "Wait!" Destiny said. "We have to wait for Checkers. It wouldn't be fair to go in there without him, after he's tagged along with us all this time." "I suppose you're right," Dorothy said, sitting down on a bench. "Are we there yet?" Werren asked. "Yes, but Checkers--" Suddenly, Checkers jumped up on the bench next to Dorothy. "...Hi, Checkers. Come on, let's go!" Dorothy said, jumping up. While they were walking towards the throne room, Dorothy whispered to Checkers, "how'd you get here so fast?" "I found a star on the floor and went to the right of it," Checkers said simply.
Chapter 14
The Great Paws
"HALT!" Said two guards at the same time. They were both green-furred golden retrievers with little green hats on, and they stood in front of the throne room. "Why are you..." began the first one. "...Here to see Oz?" The other one finished. "I'm blind, she's lost, she wants her family back, and I dunno about him," Werren said, pointing first to himself, then to Dorothy, then to Destiny, then to Checkers. Or at least he thought he did. "Okay..." "...Then. Right this..." "...Way!" The guards said, and they opened the doors to the throne room.
The throne room was very dark and very ominous. Suddenly, a very loud voice penetrated the silence--
"I AM PAWS, THE WISE AND--"
"Cut to the chase!" Werren said.
"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!" The voice echoed, and Werren quickly shut up.
"I AM PAWS, THE WISE AND NOW IRRITATED. WHAT TO YOU WANT? I HAVE NOT GOT ALL DAY!"
Dorothy stepped forward.
"I am Dorothy, and I just got back from a land much like this one. I am here because I was caught in a flash flood, and now I would like to return home. Can you do that?"
"LET ME CONTEMPLATE THAT. YOU, BLIND ONE, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
"I was going to ask you to cure my fear of the moon. I'm a werewolf. But then, I was tragically blinded, and there's no way I can survive for five weeks without eyesight. Can you help me?"
"SAME ANSWER. SILVER ONE, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
"I was taken by the Flying Monkeys to the Witch's castle, but I fell out of the helicopter. My family, though, is still out there, and I need your help to get them back."
"I SHALL SEE TO THAT. YOU, CHESSBOARD, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
"It's a CHECKERBOARD, not a chessboard, for one, and for two, I'm here because I need concentration."
"OH, THAT'S TOUGH. I WILL GIVE YOU ALL MY ANSWER. I KNOW HOW YOU CAN HELP YOURSELVES. GO TO THE CASTLE OF THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST. THERE, YOU WILL BE IMPRISONED, EXCEPT FOR THE HUMAN. SHE WILL BE ENSLAVED."
"That's not helpful at all!" Checkers barked. Werren started growling.
"HUSH AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU WILL ALL SEE HOW THIS WILL WORK SOON ENOUGH. NOW GO!"
This Is Not Good
"Oh no!" Destiny yelped. "Werren! Werren! Close your eyes or you'll go blind! Dorothy, put the glasses back on him!" Dorothy quickly tied the glasses back on Werren's nose. He opened his eyes. "Ack! Who turned out the lights?" He barked. "Oh, no..." Destiny muttered. "Werren? How many paws am I holding up?" "...One?" "Oh, no. Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no--can you see anything?" Destiny was pacing around the room nervously. "Nothing. I--" Werren stopped. "Is this permanent? Tell me!" "I...I don't know." Destiny said. "I'll go get a doctor!" Destiny fled. "Werren," Checkers said, "in case you're wondering, you're about to run--"
THUD!
"...Into a wall."
Werren said something colorful. "A BIT OF A SLOW WARNING THERE!!!" He shouted at Checkers, who stepped back. "Calm down, Werren," Dorothy said meekly, not liking the shouting. Destiny returned with a green St. Bernard. "I am Dr. Ernie," he said. "What's wrong with your friend here?" "His glasses fell off and he had his eyes open just long enough to damage them," Destiny explained. "He's blind." "I see," Dr. Ernie said, watching Werren bump into a doghouse. "How long must I suffer?" Werren howled. "Precisely how long were his eyes open?" "2.42 seconds," Checkers answered. "How did you do that?" Dorothy asked, amazed. "Internal stopwatch," Checkers said. "Amazing!" Dr. Ernie marveled. "That's very rare in Scottish terriers. Though according to my calculations, your friend here--" "My name is Werren," Werren growled. "--Sorry. Werren here ought to have his eyesight back in about...five weeks, though there may be side effects." "FIVE WEEKS?" Werren shouted, and he fainted.
Chapter 13
A Search
Werren came to a few minutes later. "I have another request for Paws," was the first thing he said. "And I'm not waiting overnight. I don't know about you guys, but I'm breaking into wherever Paws is. G'bye!" With this, he ran out the door. "I'm going after him. There's no way he'll get back here otherwise," Destiny said, running after him. "Wait for me!" Dorothy said, chasing after her. Checkers sat there for a minute. "Well don't just leave me here!" He got up and followed them.
By now, Destiny and Dorothy had caught up to Werren, who was about to run straight into a green marble pillar. "STOP!" Dorothy shouted. Werren managed to make a hairpin turn and skid to a stop right at Dorothy's feet. "Where is the throne room, anyway?" He asked irritably. "It's a five-minute walk to your left." Destiny said. Dorothy picked Werren up and carried him there, much to his humiliation. "Where's Checkers?" Destiny asked after a while. "He's still where we left him," Dorothy said. "I hope."
Checkers was in fact desperately trying to find where his friends had gone. "Have you seen a werewolf, a silver dog, or a human anywhere?" He kept asking. Either nobody knew what he was talking about, or they gave him directions to where they were, but by the time he got there, they had left. "Ugh. What now?" Checkers sighed, flopping down on the green ground. Then he heard a familiar noise. Something along the lines of bushes rustling...He looked up. Since when had there been an indoor garden? And then Loco came bounding out of the topiaries, singing something horribly off-key. "What's up with you?" Checkers asked. "Oh, a little doggie gave me some green stuff that tasted funny," Loco said, twirling around. Checkers stared at him blankly. "There he is!" Emmet said, stopping Loco before he fell over. "He broke into the City and then he wouldn't stop talking, so I gave him a concoction Dr. Ernie made so he would fall asleep, and then we could sneak him out... Turns out, the only effect it had on him was to make him act horribly drunk..." Emmet whispered. Checkers nodded. "Honestly, I see little difference." Loco began to mutter something about how he was Captain Hook, Peter Pan will pay for stealing the peanut-butter cookies, whatever that was. "Well, I think I could get him out anyway..." Emmet began dragging Loco towards the door. "Oh, by the way," Checkers added quickly, "do you know where Dory and the others are?" "Second star on the right, straight on 'til morning," Loco said. "Thanks!" Checkers called after him, searching for a star.
By now, Dorothy, Werren, and Destiny had reached the throne room. "Wait!" Destiny said. "We have to wait for Checkers. It wouldn't be fair to go in there without him, after he's tagged along with us all this time." "I suppose you're right," Dorothy said, sitting down on a bench. "Are we there yet?" Werren asked. "Yes, but Checkers--" Suddenly, Checkers jumped up on the bench next to Dorothy. "...Hi, Checkers. Come on, let's go!" Dorothy said, jumping up. While they were walking towards the throne room, Dorothy whispered to Checkers, "how'd you get here so fast?" "I found a star on the floor and went to the right of it," Checkers said simply.
Chapter 14
The Great Paws
"HALT!" Said two guards at the same time. They were both green-furred golden retrievers with little green hats on, and they stood in front of the throne room. "Why are you..." began the first one. "...Here to see Oz?" The other one finished. "I'm blind, she's lost, she wants her family back, and I dunno about him," Werren said, pointing first to himself, then to Dorothy, then to Destiny, then to Checkers. Or at least he thought he did. "Okay..." "...Then. Right this..." "...Way!" The guards said, and they opened the doors to the throne room.
The throne room was very dark and very ominous. Suddenly, a very loud voice penetrated the silence--
"I AM PAWS, THE WISE AND--"
"Cut to the chase!" Werren said.
"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!" The voice echoed, and Werren quickly shut up.
"I AM PAWS, THE WISE AND NOW IRRITATED. WHAT TO YOU WANT? I HAVE NOT GOT ALL DAY!"
Dorothy stepped forward.
"I am Dorothy, and I just got back from a land much like this one. I am here because I was caught in a flash flood, and now I would like to return home. Can you do that?"
"LET ME CONTEMPLATE THAT. YOU, BLIND ONE, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
"I was going to ask you to cure my fear of the moon. I'm a werewolf. But then, I was tragically blinded, and there's no way I can survive for five weeks without eyesight. Can you help me?"
"SAME ANSWER. SILVER ONE, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
"I was taken by the Flying Monkeys to the Witch's castle, but I fell out of the helicopter. My family, though, is still out there, and I need your help to get them back."
"I SHALL SEE TO THAT. YOU, CHESSBOARD, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
"It's a CHECKERBOARD, not a chessboard, for one, and for two, I'm here because I need concentration."
"OH, THAT'S TOUGH. I WILL GIVE YOU ALL MY ANSWER. I KNOW HOW YOU CAN HELP YOURSELVES. GO TO THE CASTLE OF THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST. THERE, YOU WILL BE IMPRISONED, EXCEPT FOR THE HUMAN. SHE WILL BE ENSLAVED."
"That's not helpful at all!" Checkers barked. Werren started growling.
"HUSH AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU WILL ALL SEE HOW THIS WILL WORK SOON ENOUGH. NOW GO!"
Saturday, May 15, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapter 11
Chapter 11
The Emerald City
"You'll have to wear these sunglasses so the brightness and glory of the Emerald City won't injure your eyesight," the gatekeeper said. He was carrying a basket of green sunglasses in his mouth. Dorothy noticed something odd about him, aside from his green fur. "Hey! You're not a Scottish Terrier!" The gatekeeper just looked at Dorothy and said, "it sure took you a pathetically long time to notice that. And I'm not a Scottish Terrier...but are you a dog? No. My name is Emmet, and I am a dachshund. And you are...?" "Dorothy." "Okay then, Dory, if you would just put these glasses on..." Emmet rummaged through the basket of sunglasses. "Okay, this is the biggest size of sunglasses we have." Dorothy put them on, muttering, "why is everybody calling me Dory?", and suddenly everything went dim and various shades of green. She took them off. Everything was bright and normal colored. She put them back on. "This is an amazing invention!" She marveled. "Yes, isn't it?" said Emmet, beaming. Dorothy looked at Destiny, Checkers, and Werren. Checkers was twirling around to look at everything. "Dory! Look! We're here already!" He shouted. Werren looked very irritated. "Do we have to wear these ridiculous things?" He scratched at his sunglasses, which Emmet had fastened onto his head with string. Destiny was running around in circles. "Let's go! Let's go! I want to see if anyone I know is here! I want to see home again!" Emmet looked hard at Destiny. "Do I know you?" Destiny stopped. "I used to live here. I'm Destiny, remember?" There was a short pause, then Emmet jumped in the air. "Destiny! Destiny! You survived! Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!" They both ran around in circles, playing tag. "Okay, okay," Emmet said, panting, flopped on the grass. "Why...why are you here?" He got up and resumed his pose of official-ness. "We're here to see the Great Paws!" Dorothy said. "I don't see why not," said Emmet, and he opened the gates.
"Wow!" Dorothy gasped. Everything in the Emerald City was...well, green. The ground was green, the gates were green, and the little doghouses scattered around the place were green, with green flowers growing in the green window boxes. Even the sky looked green. Destiny frowned. "Something seems a bit off." She bounded off into the group of doghouses and came back a few minutes later. "Where is my house?" "I can't tell you that." Emmet said, leading the group into a huge doghouse. "This is where you shall stay before you meet the Great Paws, after that he might either kick you out or send you off questing, the outcome is a bit random each time," Emmet explained. He led them into a room with three doghouses and a large doghouse with a blanket in it. "Those ones are for you three." Emmet gestured to Checkers, Destiny, and Werren, and then to the smaller doghouses. "Dory, you get this one." He pointed to the largest one with his paw. "As you can see, we're not used to accommodating humans." "Oh, I can see that. When can we see the wizard?" Dorothy asked. "Tomorrow. Goodnight!" Emmet said, and he left. "But it's only noon!" Dorothy shouted, but Emmet couldn't hear her. "Oh, well. What now, guys?" Checkers asked, staring at the ceiling and counting the emerald stars. "I dunno about you guys," Werren said, scratching at the string keeping his sunglasses on, "but I vote we ditch the glasses, run outta here, and pretend like this entire endeavor never happened!" With that, the string on the sunglasses snapped, and they fell off of Werren's nose.
The Emerald City
"You'll have to wear these sunglasses so the brightness and glory of the Emerald City won't injure your eyesight," the gatekeeper said. He was carrying a basket of green sunglasses in his mouth. Dorothy noticed something odd about him, aside from his green fur. "Hey! You're not a Scottish Terrier!" The gatekeeper just looked at Dorothy and said, "it sure took you a pathetically long time to notice that. And I'm not a Scottish Terrier...but are you a dog? No. My name is Emmet, and I am a dachshund. And you are...?" "Dorothy." "Okay then, Dory, if you would just put these glasses on..." Emmet rummaged through the basket of sunglasses. "Okay, this is the biggest size of sunglasses we have." Dorothy put them on, muttering, "why is everybody calling me Dory?", and suddenly everything went dim and various shades of green. She took them off. Everything was bright and normal colored. She put them back on. "This is an amazing invention!" She marveled. "Yes, isn't it?" said Emmet, beaming. Dorothy looked at Destiny, Checkers, and Werren. Checkers was twirling around to look at everything. "Dory! Look! We're here already!" He shouted. Werren looked very irritated. "Do we have to wear these ridiculous things?" He scratched at his sunglasses, which Emmet had fastened onto his head with string. Destiny was running around in circles. "Let's go! Let's go! I want to see if anyone I know is here! I want to see home again!" Emmet looked hard at Destiny. "Do I know you?" Destiny stopped. "I used to live here. I'm Destiny, remember?" There was a short pause, then Emmet jumped in the air. "Destiny! Destiny! You survived! Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!" They both ran around in circles, playing tag. "Okay, okay," Emmet said, panting, flopped on the grass. "Why...why are you here?" He got up and resumed his pose of official-ness. "We're here to see the Great Paws!" Dorothy said. "I don't see why not," said Emmet, and he opened the gates.
"Wow!" Dorothy gasped. Everything in the Emerald City was...well, green. The ground was green, the gates were green, and the little doghouses scattered around the place were green, with green flowers growing in the green window boxes. Even the sky looked green. Destiny frowned. "Something seems a bit off." She bounded off into the group of doghouses and came back a few minutes later. "Where is my house?" "I can't tell you that." Emmet said, leading the group into a huge doghouse. "This is where you shall stay before you meet the Great Paws, after that he might either kick you out or send you off questing, the outcome is a bit random each time," Emmet explained. He led them into a room with three doghouses and a large doghouse with a blanket in it. "Those ones are for you three." Emmet gestured to Checkers, Destiny, and Werren, and then to the smaller doghouses. "Dory, you get this one." He pointed to the largest one with his paw. "As you can see, we're not used to accommodating humans." "Oh, I can see that. When can we see the wizard?" Dorothy asked. "Tomorrow. Goodnight!" Emmet said, and he left. "But it's only noon!" Dorothy shouted, but Emmet couldn't hear her. "Oh, well. What now, guys?" Checkers asked, staring at the ceiling and counting the emerald stars. "I dunno about you guys," Werren said, scratching at the string keeping his sunglasses on, "but I vote we ditch the glasses, run outta here, and pretend like this entire endeavor never happened!" With that, the string on the sunglasses snapped, and they fell off of Werren's nose.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The Wizard of Paws chapter 10
Chapter 10
At Longest Last!
"Aw, come on," Checkers begged. "Why won't you tell us the poem?" "Because," Destiny said simply, "it's long and quite dumb, I think." "No time for arguments!" Dorothy said. "We're almost there. Look, I can see The Emerald City already! Come on, let's go!" And the group set off for the city.
Upon arriving at the city, the group ran into the gates. Checkers did so literally. "%@**$!" he exclaimed, and Destiny and Dorothy gasped. "Checkers! I didn't even know you knew that word!" Dorothy said. "I didn't know it either," Checkers replied, rubbing his nose. "I just said the first thing I thought of. Anyway, there's a sign here." He pointed with his paw at a sign that said, clear as crystal:
BELL NOT WORKING
PLEASE KNOCK
Dorothy knocked once on the door. Nothing happened. She did so again. Nothing happened. Destiny began barking, and Werren started howling while Dorothy kept knocking. Still, nothing happened. "I was afraid of this!" Destiny cried. "The Flying Monkeys have taken everybody!" "I have an idea!" Checkers said, and he began singing at the top of his lungs.
We are here! We are here! We are here!
So, with Checkers singing, Dorothy knocking, Destiny barking, and Werren howling, they eventually caught the attention of the gatekeeper. "What is the purpose of this cacophony?!" He shouted above the noise, and instantly everybody stopped. "Can't you read?!" "I tried doing what it said and nothing happened!" Dorothy said back. The gatekeeper looked at the sign. "Oh. Wrong one. Sorry." And he grabbed the sign with his teeth and pulled it over the gates. It was soon replaced with another one:
GATE NOT WORKING
PLEASE USE BELL
"Well, that may have been more useful to know before," Werren muttered. Dorothy rang the bell. "That's more like it!" The gatekeeper said. "Come in!" And he opened the gates.
At Longest Last!
"Aw, come on," Checkers begged. "Why won't you tell us the poem?" "Because," Destiny said simply, "it's long and quite dumb, I think." "No time for arguments!" Dorothy said. "We're almost there. Look, I can see The Emerald City already! Come on, let's go!" And the group set off for the city.
Upon arriving at the city, the group ran into the gates. Checkers did so literally. "%@**$!" he exclaimed, and Destiny and Dorothy gasped. "Checkers! I didn't even know you knew that word!" Dorothy said. "I didn't know it either," Checkers replied, rubbing his nose. "I just said the first thing I thought of. Anyway, there's a sign here." He pointed with his paw at a sign that said, clear as crystal:
BELL NOT WORKING
PLEASE KNOCK
Dorothy knocked once on the door. Nothing happened. She did so again. Nothing happened. Destiny began barking, and Werren started howling while Dorothy kept knocking. Still, nothing happened. "I was afraid of this!" Destiny cried. "The Flying Monkeys have taken everybody!" "I have an idea!" Checkers said, and he began singing at the top of his lungs.
We are here! We are here! We are here!
So, with Checkers singing, Dorothy knocking, Destiny barking, and Werren howling, they eventually caught the attention of the gatekeeper. "What is the purpose of this cacophony?!" He shouted above the noise, and instantly everybody stopped. "Can't you read?!" "I tried doing what it said and nothing happened!" Dorothy said back. The gatekeeper looked at the sign. "Oh. Wrong one. Sorry." And he grabbed the sign with his teeth and pulled it over the gates. It was soon replaced with another one:
GATE NOT WORKING
PLEASE USE BELL
"Well, that may have been more useful to know before," Werren muttered. Dorothy rang the bell. "That's more like it!" The gatekeeper said. "Come in!" And he opened the gates.
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