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Normal? What is this "normal" of which you speak?

Well...The Wizard of Paws is finished, so now what?

Maybe I should finish The Tale of Nonsense...Remember that story about the mouse named Steve who was gathering strawberries? The one that got 2 posts and was interrupted by TWOP? I really do need to finish that...

And about the next parody: I think I will have to begin my own Blogger account and have a separate blog for stories. This will be put on hold until whenever we get wireless Internet, which was supposed to be two days ago.

So. What has happened during the postage of TWOP?

For one, we saw The Sorcerer's Apprentice and Toy Story 3 at the drive in theater a couple of weeks ago. And guess what happened while we were waiting for the movie to start? We got interviewed by a reporter for The Huntsville Times, who was doing a story about the few remaining drive in theaters in Alabama. According to him, though, you have to answer an Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader question before you can get your picture taken. Which turned out to be four questions. Which I think he got off of the back of a cereal box. (And yes, we are smarter than 5th graders.) Now, for the disclaimer: Our pictures are in the online newspaper. I'm not so sure that even counts. On the plus side, the reporter spelled my name right...after thinking that my name was Jenna. Another for the list, then.

As for The Sorcerer's Apprentice, I give it a 4 of 5 stars. The main character was whiny and ugly.
For Toy Story 3, if you'd like to remain with the happy memories of the first 2 movies, then don't watch the 3rd one. It's scary and rather sad. 


Before that, we went to Land Between the Lakes, and we went to Arkansas (land of churches, fields, and monotony--I swear every 4-way stop looked the same), and I'm making a blanket made out Wrigley's chewing gum wrappers. It's one foot and three inches long, and one foot and four inches wide. I lost my case with my DS games in it during the LBL  trip, and got it back recently. Very surprisingly, none of my Animal Crossing villagers moved out. Yes!! I have my perfect little population now. All you need is a lazy penguin and a villager with the Normal personality.
In less recent news, The Wizard of Oz play ended on May the 2nd.
In more recent news, I finished Little Women. It only took me 7 weeks, but then again, that's shorter than most Naruto battle sequences.

The Wizard of Paws chapters 23-End

And now! What the people who care to read this blog have probably been waiting for for the past 15 days...

 “So,” said Dorothy as she and her friends trotted along the road of now shattered and cracked yellow sticks. “Should we reconsider what we'll ask the Great Paws? I recall that Werren asked for his eyesight to be fixed, but seeing as how he's practically 20/15 again, then...” “Don't forget,” Checkers pointed out, “that he's afraid of the dark.” Werren cringed. “Aww, you poor puppy,” Dorothy cooed, scratching Werren behind the ears, which he liked immensely. And onwards the adventurers continued...

Chapter 23

Loco vs. The Witch

At the train station, there are two separate platforms, one for cats and one for dogs. It has been like this since the two species began fighting a few years back. To prevent unpleasantness, they built the platforms, “they” in this instance being the Furry Fast Train Station Peaceful People. A smoke Persian cat with stars in her fur stood in line at Platform Feline, waiting to get a ticket so she could board the train to visit far off lands and possibly conquer them. When she got to the front of the line, she came face-to-face with a blue furred Scottish terrier with red stripes. The terrier had a conductor's hat on his head. “Oh, it's you again!” The cat shouted, panicking. “Yes, indeed, Le Chat Moullex Mal. We do meet again.” Loco responded. “How did you know my real name?” The Witch of the West said. “I can read minds!” Loco cried, turning around three times before saying, “silly kitty, I have a herd of chihuahuas who are as insane as I am at my bark and call. I have trained them to assume just about any role, and right now, they are spies. I sent some into your castle, and they said you had your name written on almost everything you owned. You really enjoyed that little label maker you stole from the Emerald Rock Candy City, huh?” The Witch looked around frantically, and then she saw a cup of water. She swiped at the water, knocking the cup over and getting her little fluffy head wet. The station filled with smoke, and passers-by looked at each other worriedly before running for the hills. When the smoke cleared, the Witch had turned into a 12 foot tall raven again. “Halt!” Shouted Loco to the Witch. “I am from the Department of Prevention of the Destruction of Public Property that doesn't exist yet. I command you to turn into a powerless kitten!” “You really think that works on me?” The Witch said, and lunged at Loco, who did a backflip and barked three times. Soon, the station was covered with chihuahuas dressed as fairies. “Not fairies, you silly puppies! Three barks means 'pack of wolves'!” Loco told the fairy dogs. “Oh,” they said in unison, and ran behind a train. When they came out, they had somehow grown wolf fur and little fangs, and were growling and snarling like a bunch of tiny Werrens. “Attack!” Loco ordered, and one half of the chihuahuas began to attack the raven, with the other half barking like mad. “Ah, I'm so proud of those little ones,” Loco said.

Chapter 24

The Showdown

Meanwhile, Dorothy and friends had stopped on the path leading to the train station. They saw a bunch of dogs and a 12 foot tall raven, in an ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny in the train station. “I see Loco has taken care of things,” Checkers said happily, taking a bite out of the picnic basket Emmie had prepared for them. “We can't simply stand here—what if something bad happens?” Dorothy said, worried about the fate of the insane dog and his comrades. “Oh, we'll know when he shouts.” Werren began to roll about in the grass. Checkers and Toto looked for shapes in the clouds. “My my, you three are so lazy!” Dorothy remarked, picking up Werren and poking Checkers and Toto with her foot. “Come on. Would you like it if you were trying to save a world, and your friends lazed about like a bunch of puppies on a Saturday afternoon? We're helping him.” And with that, Dorothy dragged the dogs along to the train station, with Checkers wailing, “but what about the picnic basket?”

At the station, the four saw that there was a huge pack of tiny wolves. “Hey. Kin!” Werren said, joining the pack of chihuahua wolves. The raven was flailing about, rendered helpless in the tangle of canines. Soon, the Witch was captured and put in a cage that Loco had obtained. “Where do you find these things, anyway?” Checkers asked Loco, pointing to the cage. “Oh. Hammerspace. It's a common thing 'round here,” Loco said. “That's the most sane thing I've ever heard you say.” “Sanity? Tell me, of this 'sanity'.” Loco tilted his head to one side. “Oh, nevermind. For a second there, you were making sense.” “Loco? Making sense? Now the world is turning upside-down,” Dorothy said, overhearing their conversation. “The world is turning upside down? We'll all end up in outer space!!” Checkers and Loco ran about in a panic. “Well, in a sense, the world is upside down. But we're kept in place by this thing, called 'gravity', and that's why we come back to earth when we jump.” Dorothy explained calmly. “Oh. Grabbity. Got it,” Checkers calmly replied, then he ran off, yelping, “the sky is falling!” Toto trotted up to Dorothy and sat down at her side. “Say, don't they act horrifically alike?” He said, confused. “They do...maybe they're brothers. I should ask Checkers one of these days. And that reminds me, I need to write a song about him...” Dorothy muttered, tapping the side of a building. “You do? Have you? Let's hear it!” Toto cried eagerly. Hearing this, Checkers suddenly stopped and sat down in front of Dorothy. The chihuahuas came, too, and soon, Dorothy had a small crowd watching her. “Erm, um, ah,” Dorothy stammered, trying to think of something impromptu. “Ahem. 'Ode to Checkers.'”

He is furry and he's crazy

And he is a smidgen lazy

But we love him any way

His name is Checkers.

He runs so fast that he can

Cross the entire land

He can jump above stalks of wheat

And loves blackberries.

He cleans things and was enslaved

Until we were all saved

He is a Scottish Terrier

And his name is Checkers.

Some insist his fur is a chessboard,

A few say it's backgammon.

But we all know it's a checkerboard

And he landed in a pond

He's furry and he's crazy

And he is a smidgen lazy

But we love him anyway

His name is Checkers!

When Dorothy ended her song, she received a chorus of cheers and applause. Checkers sniffed. “That was beautiful, Dory!” He said. “Thank you, thank you,” Dorothy said, wanting to stop being at the center of attention soon. “Everybody!” Werren barked when the cacophony ceased. “What do we do about the Witch? She got away once, she can do it again, you know.” “Hm, yes,” Muttered Loco. “I could turn her into a kitten,” a voice said. Everybody jumped, and in a puff of glitter, the good witch Queenie appeared. “She is in her weakened state, the Witch is,” Queenie explained. “I could turn her into a harmless smoke Persian kitten, and she'll have no powers at all. Also, she'll have no memories of having powers. Heck, Dorothy could take her back to Kansas if she wanted!” “Nope. Aunt Em would have a fit.” Dorothy waved her hand dismissively. “Besides, I'm not too sure we could feed her. It's a world of poverty and all that peanut butter sandwiches back home. By the way, can I stay here?”

Chapter 25

Surprises, Surprises

In the end, Queenie did turn the Witch into a harmless kitten, who was taken into Dorothy's care. Dorothy moved into Terrier Town, in a nice cottage next to Checkers'. Werren moved into Terrier Town, too, but Destiny remained at home in the City with her mother. The Yellow Stick Road was found to be horribly inconvenient, so over the course of several months, it was replaced with a road of yellow dirt, nice and smooth. The clever designers of the Emerald Rock Candy City put green piano keys that worked inside one of the rooms of the City, so the dogs could compose music. Dorothy even taught them tunes from her land every now and then. “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” became the unofficial Land of Paws anthem. As for Paws, though...

Dorothy, Werren, Toto, Checkers, and Destiny, sitting inside a wheeled basket, went to the City and barged into the throne room of the Great Paws without asking. The room was still very dark. Paws appeared as a pangolin.

“I AM PAWS, THE WISE AND--”

“Look, Mr. Paws guy. You sent us on a suicide mission, and then that didn't even work, so we had to fight the Witch twice, and THEN we had to come back here, and by now it's too late and half of us don't have any wishes anymore! You're a useless fake, and I hope the land gets renamed, and--”

“Werren. Calm down. This dog is the ruler of the world, here. I'd be willing to bet he could smite us all in a second.”

“Nah. Paws can't do that.”

“Hey, wait!” Toto started sniffing the air. “I smell chihuahuas!”

“We're found! We're found!”

The pangolin vanished, and the room brightened. Three very stressed and worried looking chihuahuas appeared from behind a curtain. One was wearing a headset. The other two sat behind a wheeled movie projector. “Aha! I knew it!” Checkers said triumphantly. “Why are you impostors posing as Paws?” Destiny demanded. “Well, ack, um, there is no Paws. He, erm,” stammered the chihuahua with a headset. “Paws died five years ago.” Finished one of the chihuahuas behind the projector. “NO!” Cried the adventurers in unison. “That's not right!” Added Dorothy. “How can we tell the City?” Wondered Destiny. “Like this.” Said Checkers, and he burst out of the throne room. “EMERGENCY MEETING!” He shouted at the top of his little terrier lungs. He ran to the courtyard of the city, with the others behind him, Dorothy and Destiny saying he was crazy, Werren yapping, and the chihuahuas and Toto making siren noises.

Soon, everyone was gathered. The chihuahuas stepped up. “There is no Paws,” the one in the headset said remorsefully. “He died five years ago of old age, at the age of seventy years,” confirmed Dr. Bernie. “Yikes,” thought Dorothy. “Why did you not tell us of this?” “We have been ruled by chihuahuas?!” “You are surely kidding! Show us the proof!” Demanded the crowd. Soon, there was such a loud uproar that Werren had to howl to make everybody shush. Werren was right about being able to howl very loudly; a glass window nearby shattered. A member of the crowd fainted. “Here is your proof!” Dr. Bernie ran into his office and returned with the certificate of death for The Great Wizard, Paws. “But now it can't be the Land of Paws anymore,” muttered some of the crowd. “But it will be, in honor of the wise ruler we had!” Said Dr. Bernie. “Paws said it should be like that. But sorry, chihuahuas, you can't run the world anymore.” “YES!” Cheered the chihuahuas, slapping paws. “We're free!” “You'd think you'd like to rule the world,” Toto told them. “Oh, it sounds all lovely. And then you have to pretend you're a different person, while never seeing the light of day, in our case. And anyway, there's rebelling nations to deal with. Oh, and the fact that you have to always please the population.” “Oh. I see.” “Who runs the world now?” Asked Werren. “We'll vote?” Suggested Dorothy. “No, that never works well...” Said Dr. Bernie. “Did Paws have any heirs?” Asked Destiny. “Hm...” Dr. Bernie ran back to his office and came back with a will. “Lessee...Oh.” “What?!” Yapped the crowd. “Is there a dog named Destiny here?” “Yes!” Toto said, thoughtlessly pointing to Destiny. “Me? I'm the heir to the world?” When Dr. Bernie nodded and showed her the will, Destiny fainted.  

Chapter 26

The Years After

Destiny, when she came to, was informed that she couldn't legally rule the world 'cos she wasn't 21 human years yet. So, it really did come to voting for the next eight years. Then Destiny took care of most of her subject's problems, starting with Dorothy's, Checkers's, and Werren's.

“I AM DESTINY, THE WISE AND FURRY,” cried Destiny dramatically.

“You really are quite good at that,” complemented Checkers.
“Why thank you. So, any problems?” Destiny inquired.

“Checkers here has a concentration problem,” answered Dorothy, nudging Checkers gently with her toe.

“I see,” said Destiny, trotting around the throne room, thinking. “Aha!” She went to a fridge and poured a dish of orange juice. “Drink up,” she said, pushing the dish in Checkers's general direction. “And this helps how?” Checkers asked, taking a cautious lick from the dish. Then he Scottish Terrier shrugged and drank up. 

“Orange juices contains a high amount of concentration,” Destiny explained.

“Really?” Asked Dorothy. “That, in honest criticism, seems rather like an obvious answer...are you positive that'll work?”

“Well, the Wizard gave the Scarecrow pins in his head to keep him sharp, and that doesn't seem very pleasing to me.”

“How did you know?”

Destiny pulled a book entitled The Wizard of Oz out of hammerspace. Dorothy flipped through the pages, amazed. “Everything is to the letter! How did this person know of our travels?” “Well, a certain Scottish Terrier took his time to chronicle your tale, and he sent the manuscript to the author...” hinted Toto. “Wow, Toto! I had no idea you were this clever!” Dorothy cried, hugging the rather surprised canine. “Yes, yes,” said Toto, in the process of getting the air squeezed out of him. “Oh my!” shouted Dorothy, setting her furry friend down very quickly. “Sorry!”

“Now, for the werewolf,” Destiny said. “What is your wish?”

“I wish to have my fear of the dark cured,” Werren answered soberly. “Oh, and also, please cure this annoying ability to see through walls, I rather do not like it.”

You see, when Werren had his sight fully recovered, he got the ability to see through solid objects randomly, thanks to the brightness and glory of the Emerald Rock Candy City. 

 “Why, Werren, it's a gift to be able to do so many things that you can do. Heck, you're a flying, echo-locating, werewolf Scottish Terrier who can see through walls and has recovered from blindness, which I'm not too certain is medically possible! Me, I randomly set things on fire--” a candle nearby burst into flames-- “but you? You could help me rule the world!” “I'm not too certain the world would take well to being ruled by a werewolf,” Werren said slowly, “but thanks anyway. And what about my dark-a-phobia?”

“Just repeat to yourself, 'it's just the dark, I should really just relax,'” suggested Destiny.

“Yeah, like quoting a show that went off the air years ago will help,” said a sarcastic Loco, who appeared from a bush that was growing in the throne room, as usual. Then he turned around three times and told himself, “oh, shush, King Rubbershoes. She's trying to rule the world here.” Then he turned around three times again and continued like this, arguing with himself.

“I'll...try?” Werren said slowly. “We'll see. Brace yourself,” Destiny said, turning off the lights. “Yipes!” Werren cried, and he stepped backwards into the dish of orange juice. Then he had an idea! He barked, and the room lit up. “Well, duh,” he said to himself. “Remember you can echolocate now?” Destiny asked, turning the lights back on. Loco took a break from arguing with himself to say, “she mentioned it before, y'know, arfers."  “Suppose you're cured now?” Destiny asked, hopeful. “Yes!” Chorused Checkers and Werren. “Oh, good!” Destiny cheered. “Anything for you, Dorothy?” “Nah. Life is good in Terrier Town,” Dorothy said happily.

“Then I suppose my work here is done,” Destiny said. “Please visit!”

And with that, we leave our good friends in The Land of Paws.

Back in Kansas...

Aunt Em yawned and stretched, tired from a day of gathering wood for a campfire and trying to cook things over it. On the minus side, she and Uncle Henry had to live in a makeshift campsite while they tried to build a new cabin. On the plus side, she'd lost a few pounds. Win some, lose some.

Wait.

What was she forgetting?

Maybe it was the fact that the water over the campfire was going to boil away to nothing. She went to attend to it.

Hm.

Maybe it was that.

The End